


Anything

by HideTheDecay



Series: A Broken Spirit Series [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-19 10:48:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 37,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11896170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HideTheDecay/pseuds/HideTheDecay
Summary: He coaxed the demon, who had been quite content to lurk, forward to give him control. As soon as he did, Danarius’ eyes had a scarlet glow and his skin split with red, so close to shredding his host apart and coming free. His flesh flared with heat, not quite hot enough to scald him as he had once before but not far from it. “Want to play, little mage?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a spin off of The Memories We Hold Dear (the third story in the series) and it takes place months after Danarius takes his memories from Fenris.

The routine never changed and he supposed there was some comfort in that, but it was steadily becoming something that he couldn’t stand. It had been months _. Months_. Nothing had changed. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. First everything changed, but then _after_ that, nothing had. Something had to change. As such, that night, when he was summoned to his weekly dinner with Danarius, something did.

It was a small change, but an likely an unsettling one. The mage, who went out of his way to avoid looking at the blood mage that had ruined his life, had taken to staring at him. Since he sat down, his eyes were fixed on him with rapt attention and even as he ate, picking at his food disinterestedly, he would not look away.

\---

As usual, Fenris was nearby but out of sight for their dinner together. Danarius was calm and content as ever, picking at his meal. Normally he would strike up the conversation, asking him about his work or his magic. Expecting to be ignored or get simple answers. But when he looked to Anders, expecting the healer to be staring morosely down at his food, he found his eyes were fixed on him. That was surprising and his brows lifted. “...Would you ask something of me, Anders?” He must want something. Why else would he be looking at him like that?

\---

His only reaction to the questioning was that he stopped toying with his food and his hands came to rest on the table. Beneath it, his stance widened slightly, as if preparing to shift, but he remained still. Still and staring, amber eyes fixed on grey. There was something unreadable in his expression, but there was intent behind it.

\---

“...What is it?” He asked, his tone slightly wary. This change in Anders was unsettling. He didn’t like the way he looked poised to move either, not while he was staring at him like that. Like dogs attuned to their master’s unease, some of the guards fidgeted though they moved no closer. “Tell me what is on your mind.”

\---

It took a while still for him to move and when he did, it was to push his hand towards him. He left his palm flat on the table and slid it to him. Since he didn’t sit at his side, there was a bit of a gap between them and he had to lean into the motion, which brought him closer than he had been to the man in some time.

\---

The silence made him even more wary, but he did not pull away. He was not about to show any intimidation, as uneasy as this behavior made him. If the mage tried anything, the guards would be on him in seconds. Rather than try to question him again, he simply watched him with a dark, intent stare.

\---

Since this action had been received well enough, he rose to his feet, keeping his hand where it was, now leaning over the table towards him. There was still space between them, but he likely made for an imposing sight, the way he was peering at him and was poised above him.

\---

He was not going to let the healer stand over him and so he rose as well as soon as Anders was up. He did not put any distance between them, but stared him down, a frown pulling at his lips. “What has gotten into you, Anders? Say what you will or sit down.”

\---

With him standing, he had to look up at him from where he was bent over the table, but that was easily fixed. Rather than straighten, he shoved the platters aside and proceeded to crawl onto the table in front of him. On his knees, he was higher than him and he looked down at him, finding it a better view, as his hands started to tug at the fastenings of his own robes, not caring at the guards were probably coming to drag him off of it and away.

\---

His brow furrowed in confusion when the healer climbed into the table, watching him with an anxious fascination. When he began to work off his robes, it only made this change in him even more interesting. The guards were moving in but he stayed them with a hand, letting them linger a little closer until he knew what was going on but not wanting them to interject just yet.

\---

The robes came free at his chest and slid down to pool at his waist. From there he crawled forward so he could sit at the edge of the table, his legs dangling over the edge. In front of Danarius’ chair and the man himself, he used his hands to push his robes down enough to reveal that he wore nothing under them. Nothing at all. At that point, they simply fell to the ground and he was left in boots alone.

\---

Finally his eyes left Anders’ intent gaze. When the clothing fell away, they roamed the bare healer. They were curious, dumbfounded, but not without a hint of admiration. “...What is this about, Anders?” He wasn’t sure if the other was trying to make some sort of point, but he certainly had his attention.

\---

At this point, he was close enough to touch, so he reached for him, but he didn’t touch him. His hands hovered just before the magister’s robes, silently waiting for permission to work. It seemed he had nothing to say to him and he allowed his actions to speak for themselves.

\---

He had started to shift back from the hands, but he paused when they did not touch him. He watched them, wanting to know what he intended to do and wishing he’d just speak. Since he was waiting for consent, Danarius gave the slightest of nods. Whatever he meant to do, he was curious enough to allow it at least for the moment.

\---

He started to pull them off. He’d worked with enough robes that even though he didn’t know just how these worked, he was able to figure it out intuitively. When they parted for him, he pushed them over his shoulders and ran his hands slowly down his front. Then they found his hips and tugged him in, so the man was standing between his legs. He leaned in then, so they were close enough for their breaths to mingle, waiting to see what he might do.

\---

The hands on him made his blood heat a little, his own hands falling to the mage’s sides. He let him pull him in, hesitating there a moment to gauge just what Anders meant to do. They were so close and he found himself leaning in a little closer, giving the healer’s lower lip the lightest of nips.

\---

The nip was all he needed. He crushed their lips together and kissed him deeply, sliding his arms around him and pulling him in so their bodies pressed together. He’d not felt the warmth of another in a long time and disgusted as he felt about it, there was some part of him that was receptive to contact in any form.

\---

The ferocity of the kiss startled him but after a moment, he returned it. He didn’t understand this, not with how suddenly this was happening, but it had been a long time since he’d been surprised by sex. His exploits were normally in his bedroom and very predictable and routine. He kissed him back hungrily, his hands gripping his sides hard and using the hold to start pushing him down on his back.

\---

He eased back until he was flat against the table, if not arching slightly, letting go of him so that he could find his hand and drag it up his body to his neck just beneath the collar. He held it there, suggesting he take hold of it with a wicked look in his eyes. He pulled up his knees and rested his boots on the edge of the table, leaving himself wide open for the man.

\---

His hand closed over the warm skin of his neck, squeezing it nearly hard enough to choke him. His hips pressed into Anders, starting to grind hard against him as the positioning was enough to harden him quickly. He leaned down and rather than kiss him, he gave his jaw a nip, brief but hard enough to hurt.

\---

He didn’t seem to mind anything that was happening to him and he breathed harshly past the choking grip as he was offered painful attention. His stiffened as their bodies rubbed, having gone neglected by even his hand in the passing months. Some part of him really did need this and he knew that if he could hear Justice, the spirit would have been livid.

\---

Whatever had gotten into the healer, he meant to take full advantage before either of them hesitated to question it. Once he was hard enough, he reached down to position himself, pushing hard into him without any measure of gentleness to make up for the lack of lubrication. The friction of it made him gasp, gripping him even tighter and even cutting Anders’ wind off for a long moment before letting up a little on his throat.

\---

A flick of his hand would be all he needed to make this far more pleasant, but he didn’t want it to be. He wanted it to be a miserable experience and so he let himself feel all of it. He gave a rasping cry when he was forced open, his body stinging from the unforgiving treatment. His face was bright and gaining a sheen of sweat as he was choked, but he didn’t try to stop him. Rather, he dug his fingers harshly into his sides, undoubtedly wounding him from his scraping nails.

\---

He didn't seem to mind the clawing fingers at all. He let up on his throat a little more so the healer would be able to breathe as he leaned down to kiss him, hard and desperate. His hips were relentless, fucking the healer wildly and reveling in the heat and friction their bodies created.

\---

He sucked in deep breaths as the hand loosened and as soon as he was kissed, he was returning it feverishly. His cock was throbbing hard, but there was little pleasure in this coupling, even when his body gave into the assault and there was blood to ease the dry friction into something tolerable. His hands slid down and he clutched at his thrusting hips, helping him to pull him in hard so that it ached each time they met.

\---

The hands on his hips urged him on, ramming into him viciously. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d really kissed anyone and he drew hungrily from Anders’ mouth, wanting to taste him between their panting breaths. He was moaning softly, the demon in his mind murmuring sweet encouragements to him, to take of this pleasure for as long as it would last.

\---

He’d not made a sound since he sat down and that did not change now, even as his entire body throbbed with heat and pain, unless they were to count his harsh panting. He was so intent on his mouth, sucking on his lips and even his tongue, and he went so far as to nip the swollen flesh hard enough to draw blood and run his tongue over the wound. Sweat was building all over him and it made it so they glided smoothly together, his painfully stiff cock getting in on the friction as it was rubbed between their hips.

\---

The slight pain of his bleeding lip didn’t bother him in the slightest, even drawing a lower moan from him as Anders cleaned up the blood from it. Every sensation was too potent and it was clear that he could not make this last much longer, as much as he might want to. His hips were starting to stutter irregularly, fucking him too wildly to keep a regular rhythm any longer.

\---

He finally abandoned his mouth, his eyes shut and his brows furrowed, taking in thrusts that were finally, at their wildest, beginning to feel like something. There was a hint of the blood left on his lips, but he didn’t seem to notice as they remained parted and his chest heaved. The sound of their slapping skin accented each of his gasps and the fingers at his ass dug in as if trying to will him to finish and fill him.

\---

The grip on him gave him as much pleasure as the walls around his cock and he groaned deeply. His eyes were fixed on Anders, watching him pant and take everything he had to give him. Finally he began to buck hard, spilling his seed heavily into the healer with a sharp gasp, his demon’s delight at the release mingling so perfectly with his own.

\---

Feeling the heat made his expression fade into something like satisfaction and his grip finally loosened. He released him and slumped back against the table, his pale skin flushed and shining in the dim firelight. He looked to be the main course of a feast, presented as he was, his cock still standing leachoursly, but his eyes remained closed and he didn’t seem interested in remedying that situation any time soon.

\---

When he was completely spent, he pulled himself out of him and looked over him, his chest still heaving as he caught his breath. It was unlike him to go out of his way to pleasure anyone, but after studying him a moment, he found himself reaching for the neglected cock in front of him. His fingers wrapped around it and he gave it a squeeze, watching him to see what he would do.

\---

That was unexpected and his eyes snapped open to look up at him, his breath catching. His feet slipped from where they were poised at the edge of the table and his legs dangled. There, he remained still, waiting to see what the man intended on doing, if anything.

\---

He stared at him, watching him with the quiet intent that had started this whole event. Slowly his hand began to stroke, the sweat on both of them making him glide easily over his skin. He clearly meant to please him, though he didn’t escalate the pace as if he was trying to get him off right away.

\---

It felt good, but the pain his body sang louder and that made this easier to take. His tongue darted out to run over his lip and he tasted the hint of blood that he’d miss before, making him sigh. He caught the lip between his teeth and held it, his eyes locked on the blood mage’s as he offered him an entirely different experience to what they’d just shared.

\---

For several more strokes, he just kept leisurely touching him. Watching him to see if he would do or say anything. When he didn’t, he decided to go further with it. He began to stroke him faster, gradually increasing the intensity of pumping him to see if he could bring him to.

\---

He’d only barely begun to catch his breath and already it was leaving him again. It’d been too long since he’d had this and everything that they’d done had worked him up. Soon his toes were curling in his boots and he was beginning to make soft sounds. From there it didn’t take long for them to shift into low moans, but it only lasted for a few beats, before he was spilling over himself.

\---

Danarius pumped him hard as he came, not smiling but still looking rather satisfied. When it seemed he was finished, he gave the mage a hard squeeze before releasing him. “Better?”

\---

His eyes opened and he met his gaze, offering a slight nod. He stayed still for a long moment, catching his breath and cooling down, before pushing himself up and hopping off of the table with a stretch. He stooped for his robes and grabbed them, starting to pull them on without a word.

\---

Danarius began to dress as well, slowly and relaxed. No need to rush after such a wonderful, unexpected tryst. “You haven’t said a word to me all evening. Before you retire for the evening, I’d like to know what is on your mind.” And what had brought on this change.

\---

He waited until he was donned in the luxurious fabrics that he had been given to speak, looking at the man with the same unreadable expression as he’d worn at the start of this. “Nothing is on my mind,” he replied simply, his voice almost sounding strange after disuse.

\---

“Really?” His eyes studied the mage sharply, a slight frown on his lips. “I’m to think that you did this for no reason? That after months of loathing me you suddenly found me irresistible?”

\---

He looked away from him then, his eyes fixing on nothing in particular. “I was tired of being alone,” he explained quietly, pushing away from the table and walking back to his chair to put distance between them. He sat his hand on the back of it when he came to it, waiting to be dismissed. “Might I take my leave?”

\---

“...You may. We will dine again in a few days.” Normally he would wait a week. But since something seemed to be changing in Anders, perhaps it would be better to check in a little more often. He would be curious to hear if the healer would actually start using his bed slave if this was truly only a need to be intimate with anyone at all.

\---

With that, he turned and left the dining hall. There was a limp in the way he moved, but he kept his head held up, as if not ashamed or abashed about what had happened. When the man was out of sight, something in him changed subtly, but he made it back to his room and only then did he curl up in a ball on his bed, his emotions getting the better of him.

\---

Solea walked along with him in silence. There were questions on her lips, but it was not her place to ask them. When he curled up on the bed, she moved in closer, but still allowed him some space. “...May I cool you down with a little water, Anders?”

\---

He didn’t want to interact with anyone. He’d become very reclusive and even with his patients, his warmth had faded, but he continued on and Solea was as much a part of his life as Justice had been before, so he tolerated her. In some way he cared about her.  “If that is your wish,” he mumbled, not shifting from how he was laying.

\---

As she liked to do when he was upset, overexerted, or both, she dampened a cloth and used her magic to chill it. She sat down on the edge of his bed, pressing it lightly to the skin of his face which had glistened with sweat. She wished there was more she could do for him, but she was glad to be allowed to grant even this small comfort.

\---

He’d not been truthful with Danarius, but deep down, he knew that it was not a lie. He was lonely. He was numb in his loneliness and he did need someone. Something. He shut his eyes and took in the gentle treatment, so different from the connection he’d made with the blood mage. Better, but also worse.

\---

She worked on his face and neck, then took his hands and gently washed and cooled them. “May I undress you, Anders?” She hadn’t asked him in a long time and she knew he would say no. But she’d seen that he was bleeding and she didn’t doubt that he was aching in places that would feel better if she cooled them.

\---

The attention to his hands in particular felt good and he kept them limp and pliable for her, tucking them against the pillow only when she released them. The question managed to draw out an emotion other than restrained despondency, but the surprise didn’t last and rather than deny her, as he had every time before, he said nothing.

\---

She hesitated, but when he didn’t refuse, she began slowly working off his robes. She only pushed them down to his waist, then began to gingerly wash his arms and his chest. Her cloth traced every line of muscle and she continued to chill it with her magic so it never warmed too much. “...Does that feel better, ser?”

\---

As before, he let her do as she wanted and took it for what it was worth. “Yes,” he whispered, finally offering her more than indifference. It really did feel better and the ache in his body, while still present, was considerably soothed with her help.

\---

When she’d covered every inch of his skin, she finally went back to his robes, pulling them the rest of the way off. She didn’t seem to pay any attention to his exposed groin, setting about washing every bit of him with the same clinical indifference Anders might have with a nude patient.

\---

He felt vulnerable when she stripped him and unlike the confidence with which he’d laid himself out for the magister to take, he curled in on himself. Even with the soothing cloth running over his cooling skin, it took a while for him to properly relax, but that too eventually came.

\---

She continued to work, though she gave his inner thighs and the swollen flesh around where he’d been taken much more attention after he relaxed under her touches. When he was clean and cool, she worked her way down his legs,  pulling off his boots so she could wash and rub his feet. She was so gentle and thorough, making sure she didn’t miss any little piece of skin.

\---

The attention was simpler than what he’d shared with Danarius, but much more intimate. When it seemed to have gone on so long that he couldn’t remember when she started, he finally opened his eyes to look at her. “Thank you,” he murmured, his tone hinting at the gratefulness he felt for her being such a consistent presence for him.

\---

“You’re always welcome, Anders. I wish there was more I could do for you.” But she was glad he had let her do this much at least. When she was finished, she set the rag aside. Rather than re-dress him, she simply pulled the sheet up to his waist to cover him.

\---

With the sheet pulled over, he curled back up and shut his eyes. It had been a long time since he’d slept bare, but for once, he didn’t feel like he needed his clothing to be secure. He felt no less alone than he had earlier, but the loneliness wasn’t so bad and he fell asleep to thoughts of nothing - the best he could hope for anymore.

\---

Solea left his bed when he seemed to drift off, pleased to have helped him to sleep. She moved to her chair after tidying the room up, tipping her head back to rest. She closed her eyes, ready to get a little sleep as well.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The sudden change in schedule was interesting, use to their weekly dinners, but the routine itself wasn’t. As always, he was guided to the dining hall and, as always, he took his usual spot. As always, he didn’t look at the magister, and, as always, when he was served, be started in without a word. Unlike always, he was waiting. Waiting to see if the man had anything to say to him. He knew that he must, so he was waiting to see what it was.

\---

“How are you feeling, Anders?” Danarius had eaten quietly for several minutes, watching him, before finally speaking up. It was a bit of a relief to not have that unsettling stare on him this evening. However, he’d liked what had come after all the staring earlier that week.

\---

He paused as he lifted a bit of meat to his mouth, before taking a bite of it and setting the rest down. He, rather rudely, sucked a bit of the juice from his finger, before he responded. “I am fine and yourself?” It was clear that he returned the question only because asked, but as their gazes met, there was something pointed in his.

\---

He met his gaze curiously, a slight smirk pulling at his lips. “I am quite well. I wasn’t sure how you’d be feeling today, considering what happened the last time we dined together.” He was curious if he regretted it or if he wanted to do it again.

\---

Though he had not touched the wine once since being here, he grabbed a goblet of it that was consistently set in front of him and took a sip of it. “Is there a way that I ought to feel?” he questioned, giving the wine a swirl, before taking a deeper drink of it. It tasted sweet and he savored the alcohol on his tongue.

\---

“No. I just wondered if you were still lonely or if that had sated you.” He was surprised to see him finally take some wine and he took a sip of his own. “You’re not looking at me as you had that night.”

\---

“Do you wish that I were?” He danced around the subject nimbly, getting a read on the man as much as he was on him. It was more conversation than he’d offered him in months, responding with questions that kept it going - making a game of it in which he wasn’t quite giving the answers to the observations being made.

\---

“I wish nothing of you. However, I would not be opposed to curing that itch for you again if you have it.” It had been good and his demon had loved that it had been Anders. Whether or not it would be as good a second time, he wasn’t sure. But of course, he was certainly willing to find out.

\---

A slight smirk pulled at his lips. It satisfied him to hear that he wanted him, but that was expected. It had been a long time since he’d given into such behavior, but he knew how to make people want him. “Then why aren’t we in your chambers?” he asked lightly, his brow quirking.

\---

“Because the last time we took care of it right here in this room.” Danarius smirked back at him, quite pleased with the answer. His chambers would be much more comfortable, but they would encounter his wolf along the way. He had no doubt that this new mood from Anders would be shattered if he saw the lover who know longer knew him.

\---

He hummed, as if unimpressed. “It does serve, as long as you obtain all of your satisfaction in a single release, anyway.” He plucked up a bit more meat and suckled at the tips of his fingers as he ate it, before downing the rest of his wine.

\---

“So you’d like to make a night of it, hmm?” That didn’t sound bad to him at all. He took another few bites of his meal in a moment of thought before he went on. “You know my bed chambers will be guarded. Do you think you would have a problem with that if you accompanied me to bed?” The dining hall was also guarded, of course. Just not guarded by Fenris.

\---

He knew what that meant and he went still, before grabbing the bottle of wine and taking a deep drink directly from it. “I suppose a changing of the guard would be asking for too much,” he replied dryly, before swallowing even more. It seemed he intended on making up for all the wine he’d passed up on. “Surely it’s possible to at least keep them out of sight.” He spoke of ‘them’ as if they weren’t discussing one guard in particular.

\---

“There is no way to keep them out of sight, no. But perhaps I could arrange a changing of the guard at least.” Fenris wouldn’t want to leave his side overnight, which was a rather pleasant change. But he could send him elsewhere and have others watch over the bed chambers. He didn’t trust Anders enough not to have them close at hand.

\----

That was the opposite of what he expected him to agree to. “Well, that makes everything simple, doesn’t it?” It would have been impossible to go through this if he were there and within sight, but if he was gone entirely, then he didn’t have to worry about glancing up and having the wind knocked out of him.

\---

“Very well then. Finish your meal and we will head to my chambers for the night.” He took his goblet and drained what was left of his wine. He never ate or drank quickly, but he wouldn’t mind having a pleasant little buzz going for when he would take the mage to bed.

\---

He pushed his plate away. “I am finished. I’d rather finish my meal in your bed.” He said this shamelessly, rising to his feet. He could feel the alcohol in his blood and it was something he’d missed. He’d been dry for far too long. A slight flush had built on his cheeks and it made him look all the more touchable.

\---

The blood mage rose to his feet as well, moving to take Anders by the arm. He began to lead the other out into the hallway but the didn’t get far into the winding halls before Fenris appeared at his master’s other side. He fell into step just behind him, not even giving Anders a glance, but staying close since the healer was dangerously close to Danarius.

“You’re on patrol duty tonight, little wolf. You will report back in to me when I wake.” Danarius told the elf and though he knew he wouldn’t like the assignment, he wasn’t surprised to get the ‘yes, master’ that was expected of him in response.

\---

When his arm was taken, he walked closely to him and just as he was gearing up to make a move, he saw a shock of white that made his heart stop. When it returned, it flopped pathetically, but then numbness set in and he stared at the floor, not noticing the tight grip he’d taken on the magister’s arm.

\---

Fenris was gone as quickly as he had come and Danarius continued forward with Anders, feeling the change in his grip. “He won’t be bothering us again. Come along.” As if the love of the healer’s life was little more than a nuisance.

\---

They only made it a few steps further before Anders was shoving him against the wall near a sconce. With the magister flat against it, he pinned him with his body and crushed their lips together, kissing him roughly. His hands pressed to the wall behind him, keeping himself steady as he suddenly took from him.

\---

He’d tensed defensively when he was shoved, but he eased quickly as he was kissed. His hand moved to Anders’ sides, gripping him to keep him in place. He closed his eyes, giving into the kiss and savoring the wine on the mage’s tongue.

\---

Only when his tongue had been over every inch of his mouth did he pull back, though he kept close enough to share his breaths. “I wore nothing under my robes. Just for you.” He drew a hand back from the wall to grab at his robes and to start pulling them up on one side to reveal a smooth thigh. He grabbed his hand and eased it down to the revealed skin, having him sample the uncovered flesh.

\---

“So you _did_ plan to lie with me again tonight.” He chuckled darkly under his breath. His fingers ran slowly up the exposed flesh, then pushed his robes up so they could climb higher. When he reached his balls, he squeezed, hard enough that it would be almost unpleasant. “Did you dream about how I might touch you if we did this again?”

\---

No. “Maybe.” He managed to be coy, even after the squeeze that made him tense and suck in a sharp breath. “Did you? Dream about touching me?” He turned it back on him, his eyes locked on his as he waited for an answer. He expected to hear a denial, but who knew.

\---

“I never dream, but this is better anyway.” He finally released him and gave him another hard, heated kiss. “Let’s go to my room. We’re going to have a long night, we may as well get settled.”

\---

Even after being released, the tension from the squeeze took time to fade. “Not even a little fun in the hall?” he pretended to lament, letting go of his robes so they fell to cover him. He gave him a nip where he’d bled him before and then eased back, giving him room to move out from where he pinned him.

\---

“I think that was a fun little tease for what is to come. Once I start taking you, I will not want to stop to get the rest of the way to my bed.” He chuckled under his breath again and linked his arm with Anders’. The nip had given him a pleasant throb of arousal and he wanted to return it, leaning in to nip at the healer’s jaw.

\---

“Oh, forgive me. I thought you had better self-control than that.” He took hold of his arm and continued to walk with him, his fingers trailing up and down it. Eventually they slipped closer to him and ran over his front and down towards his stomach, feeling the rich fabric that covered him.

\---

“Once you wake my cock, I’m afraid not.” He began to breathe a little deeper as the fingers roamed him, making him all the more eager to get him to bed. It seemed to take forever to reach his bed chambers, but once they did, he turned on Anders. He had no patience for his robes, fine as they were, and found himself ripping the fabric more than unfastening it as he worked to disrobe the healer.

\---

In his chambers, Anders kept his eyes forward, not wanting to see the many bed slaves on either side of the room. They would not be used tonight, which was all the reprieve he could offer them. When his robes were attacked, he smirked, letting the magister take care of them until all that was left were the boots from before. He took the man’s hand then and started leading him to his bed, giving him a view of not only swaying hips, but the scars on his skin.

When they reached it, he let go of him and turned to face him, his eyes locked on him as he slid back to sit on the edge of the bed. He lifted a leg up, silently offering him a heavily laced boot to remove. There was something brazen to the action, expecting that the magister tend to him like a slave might.

\---

The gesture clearly amused him and after only a beat of hesitation, he began to remove the healer’s boots. “Demanding little mage.” Only when Anders was entirely bare did he climb up onto the bed with him.

\---

He smirked and pulled a newly freed calf in, making his legs rub together in a surprisingly sensual motion. “That’s what you consider demanding? Just you wait.” Unlike last time when he’d offered him only silence, he was flirting shamelessly with him. He pushed himself up from his elbows and started in on the blood mage’s robes, to help bare him just the same, though with him did so at a maddening pace that revealed him slowly.

\---

Danarius was still, letting Anders take his time with pulling off his robes. The pace made it even better and by the time he was bare, his cock was rigid and eager. His eyes roamed the healer hungrily, taking a moment to be grateful that the brief sight of Fenris hadn’t turned Anders off to spending the night with him.

\---

He wasn’t as beautiful as the slaves he had specifically for this purpose, but his form was far from disappointing. He let him take a long look, before reaching out and taking his cock in hand. “Do you want me to show you just how demanding I can be, Danarius?” he murmured as he brought himself close to him, giving him an agonizingly slow stroke.

\---

“Of course I do.” His cock gave an eager twitch in his hand and he ran his fingers slowly up Anders’ sides as he moved in closer. “But only if you think you can handle all of my demands before the sun rises.”

\---

“You doubt me?” He gave him a painfully firm squeeze as payment for the attention to his balls. “I think it will be you that won’t be able to handle mine.” He brought his free hand up to his jaw and ran a finger along his beard, before reaching behind back to pull the tie out of his hair. His locks fell down to frame his face and he smirked. “More for you to grab.”

\---

“Good. It wouldn’t have lasted long in that tie.” He’d tensed at the squeeze, but taken it in stride. He wasn’t used to being handled roughly and it was a refreshing change. His fingers found their way into the newly loosened hair and gripped the strands as he pulled him in for a rough kiss.

\---

As soon as their lips met, the hand on him began to stroke properly. It was a long time since he’d touched a cock, including his own, but each roll of his wrist was smooth and accented a subtle twist at the peak. He returned the kiss in like, not giving up control to him and making him fight for it this time.

\---

The stroking was nice, but he craved the heat of his body even more. He let the hand work him for a long moment before he pushed the mage down onto his back. He settled over him, kissing him hungrily as he worked his thighs apart.

\---

He let his thighs fall open, but he broke the kiss, working his cock harder. “I don’t remember saying you could take me just yet,” he challenged him, his free hand sliding up his body to come to the base of his neck. Like he’d encouraged him to before, he took hold of it and gave a little squeeze.

\---

“I don’t remember needing your permission to take you when I want you.” The words came out in a low groan, the hand on him clearly touching him just the way he wanted. When he felt the little squeeze to his neck, he gave Anders’ lower lip a hard nip before trying to reconnect the kiss.

\---

“Well, there’s your mistake,” he purred, using his reactions to give him what he needed. He let him have his mouth, but he didn’t give up the grip on his neck. If anything, while he gave him the dominance wanted, he tightened his hand and took it back by way of _he_ wanted. It was not enough to choke him, but to keep him aware of its presence.

\---

His own hands to wander, craving control as the hand tightened on his neck. The fingers of one hand gripped his hair, the others wrapped around the wrist holding his neck. He rocked his hips needily into the hand stroking him, yearning for more friction.

\---

The hand on his wrist spurred him on and he choked him then, his tongue running over the magister’s lips. The hand on his cock was becoming harsh in its attentions, but he did not give him a reprieve. Even when he lightened his hand long enough to offer him a single breath, all of his effort went into that manual pleasure.

\---

He took the gasping breath he was offered, his fingers working to tug Anders’ grip away from him. The healer was stronger than him physically, but he didn’t want to resort to his magic. Not at the risk of the hand stopping its rough stroking. His eyes flashed red, his demon peeking out briefly in his body’s distress, though it was also not in any hurry to end the pleasure.

\---

He’d drawn back from his mouth when he’d allowed him his breath, to watch his expression, and his eyes widened slightly to see the demon looking back at him. Brief as it was, it made him shudder, but it did not make him stop. He allowed him another breath, but he didn’t stop holding his neck. He didn’t stop depriving him of air, enjoying the way he had complete control over him and he wasn’t going to let up unless it was on his terms.

\---

“Careful. You’re waking him.” He choked out after the second breath he’d gotten. It sounded amused though. HIs demon was ruffled, but was also reveling in the pleasure Anders’ other hand brought. He didn’t think it was about to burst out and ruin the fun for anyone.

\---

“What did I say about self-control, Danarius?” he chastised him, but relented a little. He wasn’t holding him so hard as to stop his breathing completely, just enough to make it difficult for him. Just enough that each gasp would hurt. As he stroked, his body rocked slightly, getting into the movement and making the motion all encompassing.

\---

Being able to breathe, hard as it was, calmed him a little and helped to push the demon back to the depths of his mind. It was much better and he was able to lose himself in the rough touch of his hand. He was starting to throb hard in his grasp, loving the rough attention and steadily building wonderful tension from it.

\---

Rather than try to resume the kiss, he stayed where he was. His eyes were fixed on him with rapt attention and he could see every sign that it was getting to him. He wanted to bring him like this and so he kept at it, the fingers on his neck twitching with the need to squeeze. He was biding his time, though, waiting until he was just there.

\---

Now that he wasn’t distracted with the choking, the strokes were getting him much closer. He was panting beneath Anders’ grip on his neck and his body was rocking needily into his attentions. It was clear when he was about to spill in his way his back began to arch and his hips bucked into the touch.

\---

When it seemed he was about to lose it, Anders’ hand squeezed hard and he cut him off harshly. He stroked him feverishly, his hand working to bring him too while he was deprived of air and dizzy. The more, the better. It would make his release far, far more intense and he would see what he could do with his hands alone.

\---

He gave a strangled little growl as his air was cut off, but this time his eyes betrayed no sign of his demon coming forward. In fact, they rolled back in pleasure as he finally began to spill. He coated Anders in thick release, the orgasm long and hard, but silent in the absence of breathing.

\---

He kept him choked for the duration of it, his expression twitching with disgust when he felt the warmth splatter against his skin, but it was gone in the blink of an eye and he was milking him. When he had all of it, he released him, drawing both of his hands back and waiting for a reaction.

\---

Danarius pulled in a deep gasp as soon as he could breathe. He panted heavily, but as he began to recover, he began to smirk. “Look at you. I haven't even taken you yet and already you're making messes.”

\---

“Am I to be punished?” he asked, dropping a finger to swipe up some of his seed and drawing a nonsense pattern over the magister’s chest with it. “Here I thought I pleased you.” It was distressingly easy for him to fall into this role and it had been years since he’d done so. Even with his lover - he wasn’t sure he could call him that any longer - their couplings had been different and he hadn’t shown him just how depraved he could be.

\---

“I think there is plenty of evidence that you have pleased me. But the next time, I expect cleanliness. My seed had best go into your body.” He reached down for the healer’s balls again, giving them a squeeze but a little less aggressively than before.

\---

“Why am I here if we’re not going to soil your sheets beyond repair by morning?” he smirked, giving no protest to the attention, though there was some tension in him. He didn’t trust him and he anticipated the blood mage hurting him, so it was some relief when he didn’t. His face was still bright from all of the choking and the color made him think of the flash he’d seen in his eyes. “When your demon takes over you, are you aware?” It sounded like a question made out of ignorance, but he wanted to know. When Justice took over he was forced into darkness, so was it the same for him?

\---

“It depends on how far he takes control. He was only peeking just then. He quite likes it when I fuck you, I think he wanted to get it on the fun.” More likely that the choking of his host had him uneasy. He began to rub the balls in his palm, his touch rough and assertive, but not painful.

\---

His brows lifted slightly and considering that, he responded a little quieter than he meant to. “Then let him.” His stomach rolled, but there was a purpose. There was a purpose to all of this. The attention was helping to harden him, but it was somewhat stunted by what he was playing with. To help himself, he reached down and began to stroke.

\---

“Now, now, I'll get to that.” He brushed the hand away that had moved to his cock. “...I’m rather surprised you'd be willing to meet a demon. Are you certain? He's very...fiery.” In terms of body temperature as well as temper.

\---

He let go of himself at his bidding, setting his hand aside. “Are you expecting me to be frightened? I’ve faced many demons and things far worse.” Just, not like this. The fact that the being already enjoyed his ‘company’ worked in his favor, but there was more to be done.

\---

“If you're sure.” He coaxed the demon, who had been quite content to lurk, forward to give him control. As soon as he did, Danarius’ eyes had a scarlet glow and his skin split with red, so close to shredding his host apart and coming free. His flesh flared with heat, not quite hot enough to scald him as he had once before but not far from it. “Want to play, little mage?” The purring, otherworldly voice seemed to fill the room, soft as it was, and a blazingly hot fingertip slid past Anders’ balls to press at his entrance.

\---

His heart quickened with alarm, having never seen a demon take control quite like this. It was a disconcertingly familiar sight, but the red glow was far more ominous. His entire body tensed and he didn’t notice the way his hands began to tremble, the heat of his body making him break out in sweat. “What is your name?” he asked, the muscles of his entrance tightening from the fire of the finger against it.

\---

“Names are fleeting. But this mortal calls me Javaro, after the brother he lost in the cradle.” The sentiment of it seemed to humor him, chuckling as he pushed past the muscles to force the finger inside of him. “Why did you wish to see me?”

\---

That was interesting and he tucked the knowledge away without comment. He sucked in a sharp breath, his body shuddering when the heat filled him. He’d been on the end of heated touches during his time in the Circle, but he’d never felt anything like this. “I think you’re the one that wanted to see me,” he evaded, willing himself to stay calm. He forced himself to lift one of his hands and he set it on his chest, feeling the demon residing just below the surface.

\---

“I see you all the time. I feel you when he feels you.” His other hand found Anders’ cock and began to pump him roughly, knowing that the friction on top of his heat would likely be unbearable. He used the finger inside of him to start thrusting, fucking him harder with just the digit than Danarius would have been able to with the force of his hips.

\---

It was too much and he writhed, his hand shooting down from his chest to clutch at his wrist of the hand pumping him to try and pull it away. His legs drew in and he tried to shut his thighs, but with the demon between them, he just managed to squeeze them against his hips. He cried out and bucked against the mattress, his hands shaking hard as he felt like he was being burned.

\---

Javaro did not relent his grip and he continued to work him fiercely. He wanted to watch him scream and shake, to come undone like the fragile little things humans were. It was even better than watching it from Danarius’ eyes and he smirked with the mortal’s lips.

\---

He continued to scream and as much as they were from pain, the fire too hot, there was an edge of something else to them. His cock, painfully red, was thick in his hand, and his clenching muscles wrapped tightly around the single finger. It was more than enough. Without thinking, his free hand shifted desperately and the air grew even warmer, but the pain was dulled, as were his cries.

\---

“A little too much?” He sounded delighted by the new magic in the air. He so seldom got to sample magic outside of his host's. His hands never slowed and he leaned down to run a molten tongue slowly up Anders’ neck.

\---

With the aura in place, it was just tolerable and though his hand did not let go of its desperate grip on the demon’s wrist, he stopped trying to pull it away. His sounds were shifting into pained moans, clearly getting pleasure from this, but his body could not stop quivering. His body at the mercy of the demon’s ministrations and when the tongue slid up his neck, his head turned away, giving it a longer path as he gasped for air.

\---

When he reached the edge of his jaw, he nipped him hard. It did not take much to draw blood while he was in control and his long, searing tongue lapped hungrily at the bit that ran down Anders’ neck. He slipped in a second finger to fuck him harder with them, wanting to see just how much his body could take from him.

\---

He didn’t even notice the bite. There was too much heat and his entire body was covered in beads of sweat that were dripping down and soaking into the sheets beneath him. So much for not making a mess. He cried out when the second finger slid inside and he found himself clawing at his skin, scraping across the lines of light in his flesh. In his writhing, he struggled to maintain the aura and eventually it flickered out, bringing back the heat back to where it was unbearable. His cock throbbed hard and the sounds he was making wasn’t even human as the pressure built deep inside, so close to overflowing.

\---

“Go on, little mage.” He could feel how badly his body wanted to burst beneath his attentions. He worked him faster, watching him with a sharp, intense gaze. “Sing for me.” He loved the sounds he made but he wanted him to scream again.

\---

As if summoned by the demon’s command, he came hard, crying out as his body bucked and jerked. His mind was wiped of anything but fire. Even after it ended, he was whimpering, squirming beneath him as his body weakened considerably.

\---

“Good boy.” He released his hold once the cock was spent, but he left his fingers inside of Anders. They slowed, but didn't stop, still fucking him. “Very good boy.”

\---

“Please,” he panted, his hand falling down to clutch at his wrist again, this time the one that was pumping inside of him. He tried to still it, if not push it out completely. It was too much. He knew what it was like to be completely overwhelmed during sex, Fenris had been happy to oblige him weekly, but this had been different from that. Where that had been peace and pleasure, this had been pain and pleasure. More pain, than pleasure.

\---

Rather than stop, he slipped a third finger inside of him and continued to pump. “It is so much fun to watch you squirm.” Especially when he was the one doing it and not just an observer. He found a new place on his neck to bite him, tearing his flesh again and lapping at the blood that beaded from it.

\---

His expression twisted when he really began to stretch him and his thighs squeezed together tighter, pinching his hips. He moaned begrudgingly, all but spasming as he gave him more stimulation than he could handle. Like before, he barely felt the bite. There was too much heat from his tongue as he licked the wound, Anders’ head shaking back and forth slowly. He needed him to stop, but soon all he could do was clutch at him desperately, even though his palms were slick with sweat and the heat he was welcoming made him feel lightheaded.

\---

When it seemed he was ready to give in to more, his other hand moved to grasp his cock again. He gave him a squeeze and started to fuck him a little harder with his fingers. “Do you regret calling on me? Or are you ready to sing for me again?”

\---

His body arched and he was basically pulling him down on top of him, practically tucking himself against him. “Too much,” he breathed, his thighs trembling hard from the fingering. There was hot skin in front of him and he panted against it, before his mouth opened instinctively and his tongue darted out to taste the scorching flesh. “Too much.”

\---

“You don’t know the meaning of ‘too much’ yet.” He purred softly when the tongue touched his skin. He kept rubbing at his cock and fucking him with his fingers, enjoying every shake and writhe from the body beneath him.

\---

There had been many times throughout his life that he’d wished he had a knack for ice magic, but he just didn’t. He’d taken to electricity and fire instead, but he never wanted to be encased in ice like he did now. Even if he had the ability, the collar kept him from being able to access such kinds of magic so all he could do was cast another aura over them and let it soften the sensations that were drawing out pitiful sounds from him. His cock was, reluctantly, beginning to harden with all the coaxing.

\---

He was patient with the cock in his hand as it hardened, transitioning slowly from rubbing to stroking as it gained substance. “I can undo you over and over and over with only my hands. What are you going to do if I decide I want to fuck you, little mage?”

\---

“You can’t.” He could. With such ease, he could. He was poised to be taken and what resistance he had was being drained from him with every thrust of his fingers. Oh, Maker, surely the demon did not intend to keep this up for as long as he was suggesting. His heart was pounding hard and he was beginning to feel just a little faint.

\---

“And how will you stop me?” He smirked down to him and could see just how overwhelmed he was. Humans were so delightfully fragile. His hand squeezed his cock, wanting him rigid and throbbing again.

\---

He moaned and his head lifted up to look at him, his gaze desperate. He wouldn’t stop him. The arms around him tightened and he found his legs rising to do the same at his hips. “Fuck me, then. Just not so hot.” There must be some way for him to lessen the searing heat. “It burns.” It wasn’t actually burning him, especially not with the aura, but it felt close enough.

\---

“This isn’t so hot, sweet mage. If I wanted to burn you, I could get much, much hotter.” The way he’d seared his hands when the thing inside of Anders had been choking his host. He finally released his hold on Anders’ cock to grab his own instead. Sexual arousal was somewhat foreign to him, when he wasn’t feeling it through the tempered perspective of his host, and so despite the thorough working he’d given the healer, he was only somewhat perked. He stroked himself almost impatiently, knowing his body wasn’t ready to grant the request.

\---

“No, not hotter.” It was already too hot. If it got any hotter, he wouldn’t be able to do this. His hand slid up and he grabbed a handful of hair to pull his head down, finding his lips and kissing him. With the hand off his cock, it was easier for him to do more than just react, so he let the lips sear him as much as every other part of him was.

\---

It was clear that Javaro wasn’t sure what to do when he was kissed. He returned it, and hungrily, but it was almost more of a bite than a kiss. The only thing redeeming about the rough, sloppy assault was that his tongue was eager for blood and so it explored every bit of Anders’ mouth in case the kiss was hard enough to break the skin.

\---

He was all but choked on his tongue, but he gave into it. Letting him lay claim on every inch of his body until he had to break away to gasp for air. He was sweating so much that it was beginning to pool in the dips of his body and making it so their bodies were gliding together as he squirmed beneath him. His hair was a mess and clinging to the sides of his face in wet locks and his normally composed demeanor had completely given way.

\---

When he was hard enough, he finally withdrew his fingers from Anders. It was immediately replaced with his cock which was every bit as scorchingly hot as his tongue. He lacked Danarius’ practiced grace, fucking Anders in a hard, irregular frenzy as he growled against the skin of his neck.

\---

He cried out as soon as he was filled, the limbs that were twined around the demon squeezing as their bodies began to meet. The stretching he’d given him helped with the pain, but not unlike the bites, the heat was such that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to feel anything else. He writhed in a way that further threw off the non-existent rhythm so that the fucking was wild and animalistic.

\---

“Sing, little mage.” He purred against his neck, craving more screams from him. He gripped Anders’ cock again, pumping it roughly as he slammed his hips into him. The pleasure of the muscles around him was odd but not unwelcome, still a little unsure of how to process such sensations when he wasn’t experiencing them through his host. He was far more interested in watching Anders fall apart beneath him.

\---

He gave him exactly what he wanted, screaming as soon as the aura flickered out. It was too much to maintain and when he felt the full extent of what was happening to him, he was the animal between them. He threw his head back and bucked uncontrollably, his legs around him tightening to the point of trying to slow him. The fact that nearly every slide of his cock saw a blazing touch where he needed it gave an alluring edge to what was otherwise only succeeding in hoarsening him.

\---

“Such a good boy.” He praised as the mage kept screaming for him, reveling in the sight of him completely lost to all of this. He stroked him vigorously, giving it the steady attention he couldn’t manage with his hips since those were too wild and too erratic, driven only by his instinct. His teeth sank into his neck once more, drawing more blood and licking it up hungrily, sweetened all the more by the sweat the mage was all but drowning in.

\---

It was so much that there were tears welling beneath closed lashes, but he didn’t notice. He stopped noticing anything about what he was doing at this point. It was all secondary and his body was not his own, a slave to the sensations coursing through it. The heat. The all encompassing heat that felt like it was burning him. His cock felt like it was boiling as it throbbed and soon he was hyperventilating, becoming dizzy.

When he spilled it was abrupt. His reactions had become such that there was no true sign of it as it approached, but when it did it was clear from the primal sound he made that he was there.

\---

When he felt him spill, his lips pulled back into a grin. It was so satisfying, he found himself squeezing the cock in his grip hard, wanting to milk every bit of cum from him and earn any more little noises he could. When it was finished, he pulled out of him, not seeming to care about his own release. He let go of him and sat back, apparently deciding to finally give the healer a little reprieve from the heat. “That was good, sweet mage.”

\---

He whimpered pathetically from the squeeze, stiff limbs falling away from him. Oddly enough, when the source of the heat retreated, he became aware of just how hot he was. The air, cool by comparison, gave him some point of reference and he felt feverish. He made a sound, as if to speak, but nothing came of it. Instead, everything shrank away as he passed out, looking like a mess. His entire body was vividly pink, he was damp with sweat, and lines of blood ran down his neck - he was completely disheveled.

\---

He looked down at him for a long moment, quite pleased with his handywork. Since there was no more fun to be had now that the mage was out, he finally pulled back and let Danarius take control once again. The blood mage blinked in confusion, needing a moment to orient himself to what was going on. He could see that Anders was out cold, there was blood, sweat, and cum all over him, and that he still had an erection himself. Apparently he’d missed out on a lot of fun. With a sigh, he took to stroking himself, finding that it fortunately didn’t take much to finish and he spilled his load over Anders’ stomach, deciding there was already plenty to clean up there anyway. He settled down on his mattress then, far enough from the healer to stay out of his sweat that had seeped into the sheets, and closed his eyes to relax.

\---

It took around an hour for his body to cool completely. His skin had slowly faded back into his normal pale complexion and the sweat and blood had dried down on him. The cum was still moist and he was thoroughly covered in it, so when he began to come to and shifted, his hand lifting to rest on himself, he felt it and it brought him further out of his rest. His eyes cracked open and he looked down at himself, not quite registering the mess, but lifting a now sticky hand away from it with a grimace.

\---

Danarius was dosing by then, stretched out and comfortable beside him. There was some space between them but only enough to keep him out of Anders’ bodily fluids. But it was clearly Danarius again, the red cracks of light in his skin gone, the blazing heat no longer radiating from his body.

\---

He wiped his hand off on the sheets beside him and pushed himself up. He felt startlingly weak, but it became a lot less startling when he remembered what had happened. He looked over and saw Danarius laying beside him and he shuddered. His body was hurting and he used a sweeping gesture over himself to heal the damage that had been done to it. It helped considerably, but his strength was sapped as he slipped off the bed quietly, intending on making a sneaking exit of it.

\---

“Leaving so soon?” Danarius mumbled when he felt the mattress shift, his eyes still closed. “You made it sound like you meant to make a night of this. Javaro didn’t wear you out that much, did he?”

\---

He startled at the sound of his voice and twisted at his waist to look at him. He shifted his weight a few times, before turning the rest of his body to face him. “...No, of course not. I thought you were sleeping.”

\---

“I was.” He finally opened his eyes, stretching with a soft yawn. “I thought you might be unconscious for the rest of the night. It looked as if my demon made a mess of you. Did you enjoy it, at least?”

\---

There was a pause as he lowered himself to sit on the edge of the bed. “Yes,” he answered, knowing that the demon would hear what he had to say. The answer was catered towards what they wanted to hear, but it wasn’t entirely a lie. He didn’t want to acknowledge that, so he told himself that he was just saying what he had to.

\---

“That's good. But I can't let him have all the fun. I've only gotten to enjoy your hand on me tonight. It would be a shame if we left it at that.” He turned to lay on his back, the sheets tangled around his legs but the rest of him fully exposed. “You have a little energy left, I'm sure.”

\---

He watched him turn and after taking in a deep breath, preparing himself, he turned to crawl over to him. “Perhaps you’ll do even better than your demon,” he smirked, lifting a leg to slide it over him so he straddle him, unaware of just how much of a wreck he looked. Though he did glance down and see all of the cum down his front. “Worry about your own energy.”

\---

His long fingers slid slowly up Anders’ thighs, his lips pulling into a smirk. “I have more than enough. Javaro was kind enough to tax your body instead of mine.”

\---

“We’ll see about that.” His skin prickled from his touch and he started to roll his hips slowly, the motion fluid as he grinded against him. “It was nothing I couldn’t handle.” He sounded cocky, but he was fully aware that it had been considerably more than he could handle.

\---

There was a brief pause before the magister chuckled. “He says the next time he'll push you a little further then.” He rocked his hips up into him, his cock beginning to stir as they grinded together.

\---

“Next time?” He wasn’t sure he wanted a next time, but if it made the demon any more ‘fond’ of him, he would have to do it. “Are you always so willing to share?” He decided to try and make more of a sight of this and he began running his hands over his own body. In doing so, he was smearing the cum over himself, which wasn’t really his intention, but he did prefer it being spread thinly to the globs that had been sprinkled over him.

\---

It was clear that he liked what he saw, his eyes hungry as they watched him. “As long as I still get my fill, why would I not share? So rarely has anyone requested to meet my demon in bed…” It had happened before. Hungry young blood mages wanting to do anything to be closer to demons. He had done it himself as a young mage, though Javaro had very vocally disapproved of his intimacy with another's demon.

\---

“I guess I can’t imagine letting my body be used in such a way.” That was true. To this day, he pretended that Justice was a surprising addition that he hadn’t known about, but willing as their joining had been, he didn’t particularly like giving up control of his body. Even if Justice were interested in such things, he didn’t like the idea of him using his body for intimacy. He reached down when his cock seemed firm enough and took it in hand to stroke as he rose up over him.

\---

“It doesn't happen often. But I've never minded sharing it with him.” He groaned softly when he was taken in hand, his fingers squeezing Anders’ thighs as he rose. “I would have kept you to myself tonight if you hadn't asked for him.”

\---

He positioned him and sank down on him, but as soon as he was breached, he stiffened and hissed. He was sore from his earlier treatment and he hadn’t given himself enough healing to counter what had been done to him. He held still and with a sweep of his hand, gave himself another bout of healing to soothe the muscles, before he sank down the rest of the way.

\---

“A little sore?” He asked, watching as he struggled to take his cock. His hands settled on his hips and he pushed up into him, pressing himself deep and hard against his prostate.

\---

“Nothing I can’t fix.” He sighed when he relaxed around him, the press giving him a jolt of pleasure that helped to begin arousing him. He set his hands on his pelvis and used it to brace himself as he began to ride him, slowly to start. His eyes fixed on his face, though it did nothing for him to look for him. Really, it did just about the opposite, but the contact wasn’t for him. The searing gaze was for Danarius.

\---

He seemed to enjoy the intent stare, smirking up to him with lust darkening his eyes. He rocked his hips up to meet his riding, giving him that extra little push whenever he was all the way in to hit him deep. The view was wonderful and he found himself quite pleased that Anders had taken the initiative to mount his cock like this, a low groan expressing his appreciation.

\---

It didn’t take long for how weak he felt to catch up to him, but refused to give into it. He tipped his head back as each push added a delightful pressure that made his cock stiffen until it was stretched out with need. He was already panting harshly, the memories of heated touches making him shudder as a bead formed at the tip of him and dripped down onto the man he was making good use of.

\---

Danarius’ eyes lowered as the growing cock caught his attention and he watched the precum drip onto his skin. The demon in his mind was purring so loudly he could barely hear his own soft moan over it. He reached for the straining cock, giving it slow, hard strokes and squeezing the head of him at the end of each one.

\---

He groaned as he was taken into hand and it wasn’t long before his quiet sounds were coloring the air around them. It took so much effort to keep up what he was doing, so he leaned over him, bracing his arms on the bed beside him, so he could rock back and use the momentum he’d built up to keep him going. “Why don’t you say my name?” he suggested breathlessly, his eyes fixing back on his face with the change of position.

\---

The change made him groan softly, pleased to hit him from a new angle even if he couldn’t get quite as deep. He rocked his hips up into him, the request making him smirk. “You want to hear your name on my lips?” He gave his cock a harder squeeze as if trying to milk more precum from him. “I think you’ve more than earned it, Anders…” His name came out in a low, growling moan.

\---

The moan pulled from the squeeze faded as his lips pulled into a smirk. “Yeah, I like that,” he hummed, leaning in and taking a rough kiss from him. “Say it again,” he encouraged against his mouth, his panting thickening the air between them.

\---

“Anders…” It was so easy to slip into moaning his name, giving his pleasured sounds a shape to take. He started to fuck him harder, pushing his hips up into him as roughly as he could at the angle as the tension built in him.

\---

“Yeah.” That was what he wanted and it’d worked like a charm. If Danarius wasn’t inviting him to his chambers the next night, or the night after, he would eat his boots. “Fuck me hard. So hard,” he murmured heatedly. It really did feel good and there was a genuineness to his pleasure that could not be faked. His cock was leaking and his thighs, so tired, were tremoring.

\---

He wanted to turn him over and really give it to him, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. Not when the healer was straddling him and riding him so well. But he could still fuck him hard just like this and he thrusted with everything he had. He could feel how close he was to spilling and it showed in the way breathing picked up and his hips were growing more erratic by the moment.

\---

If nothing else, it felt good physically - the man knew how to thrust. Better than his demon, though that had been an entirely different experience altogether. His eyes shut as the feel of his nearing end brought his own rushing towards him. His sounds gained substance and his expression contorted as the sensations began to get to him. He was thrusting into his hand as much as as he was rocking back against him. His muscles squeezed around him as the tension built and it only took a handful of thrusts to bring him to at that point, clenching around him even tighter and spilling over the man’s stomach.

\---

The muscles squeezing him was just what he needed to bring him to. He gasped as he came abruptly, filling Anders with his seed in a series of harsh, erratic bucks. He squeezed the healer’s cock as he finished, wanting to work the last bit of cum out of him before his hips stilled and his hands fell away.

\---

He gave a soft cry with the final squeeze and the last of his energy faded. He slumped over him and while he was close, he stole another breathless kiss from him that he held onto.

\---

Danarius kissed him back, panting softly against his lips as the other settled over him. He felt incredible and was quite grateful Anders hadn't simply wanted another quick fuck in the dining room. Making a night of it had been much better and perhaps in a few days he would have to invite the healer for another night like this one. The demon encouraged this thought with a gentle nudge, content with drawing pleasure from the numerous bed slaves, but still enamored with the novelty of the spirit healer who had asked him to come forward.

\---

Only after he’d thoroughly claimed his lips did he break away, shifting off of him and laying beside him. He didn’t press for contact, but he remained close, so their bodies were lightly touching. He kept his head propped up on an arm and studied him, waiting to see if he had anything to say after all of that.

\---

He was silent for awhile, just watching the other as he settled beside him. “You can stay for the night if you like. Perhaps we can have one more round in the morning before we go about our duties.” Despite the invitation to stay, he didn’t seem interesting in moving any closer to him. The light contact they had was more than plenty for him.

\---

“Oh, done already?” He smirked, but rolled to his back. He was all for being done. He could still feel the imprint of the heat from earlier and so crawling under the sheets was not at all appealing to him. He was content to stay over them, especially since they provided some kind of slight barrier between them.

\---

“Done until morning anyway.” He was thoroughly satisfied and quite tired. Javaro taking control was always draining, as if his body was not meant to sustain such a being. As far as he knew, it really wasn’t and that was why demons typically only emerged in dire circumstances for their blood mages. Rather than confirm or deny this thought, he heard the demon chuckled in his mind. _Sleep, Danarius. We will play with the little healer when you wake._

\---

“I’ll wake you,” he promised, shutting his eyes and trying to put the man out of mind. If he was going to be sleeping here, he needed to be thinking about something else. It wasn’t hard and after some time, he was lulled to sleep with thoughts of Ser Pounce-a-lot running about and chasing mice around Vigil’s Keep. It was one of few good memories that didn’t lead himself somewhere he didn’t want to go and even then, thinking about the abandoned cat still managed to get him down from time to time. Not tonight, thankfully, and the sleep he fell into was deep and comfortable.

 


	3. Chapter 3

More months passed, the only change being the frequent invitations to Danarius’ chambers. Every few days, he would be summoned to dinner and then after they would retire to his room to spend the night together. To keep things from getting stale, Anders did what he could to change it up both in the bedroom and outside. He gone so far as to lure the magister to his room with petulance, choosing a day at random to stop healing, and, when he came to see what the problem was, told him he wanted him to fuck him on his bed. He’d gotten what he wanted and as annoyed as Danarius had been, Anders knew that he’d enjoyed it.

Twice more he’d asked for the demon and both times his body had been pushed so hard that he’d passed out by the end. Both times it seemed like the demon couldn’t get enough of him and he had to hope that it was enough. Danarius trusted him, as much as he was ever going to, and for that to be so the demon had to on some level as well. He didn’t need much, just enough that Javaro wouldn’t jump to killing him as soon as he got the chance. It was a risk, but one that he was willing to take to right all of the wrongs that had been done to Fenris. If all went to plan, he would be sacrificing a lot more than his life, but for the warrior that had forgotten him, he would do anything.

Tonight was the night. His plan had been in motion for some time, but tonight was where all of the pieces would fall into place. Or they wouldn’t. Either way, for better or worse, Fenris would be free.

After a filling dinner peppered with flirting, they’d retired arm-in-arm to his chambers as always. Encouraging Danarius to sit on the edge of his bed, Anders stood before him and made a show of slowly stripping to nothing. He intended on taking his time with this, waiting until the blood mage’s guard was lowered to strike.

\---

Danarius had grown very comfortable with their routine and tonight was no different. He sat down on his bed, his eyes wandering the healer hungrily as he slowly undressed for him. He normally tired of the bodies of his slaves after a few weeks, choosing keep them on a rotation so he never got too tired of sleeping with any of them. But after months, he still hadn't grown bored of Anders’ body.

His tongue darted to wet his lips and he began to slowly unfasten his own robes. There was no rush, no urgency despite the hunger in him. They would fuck until they were exhausted, sleep, and fuck again when they woke. They had all the time in the world.

\---

As his his robes began to fall, Anders came to kneel before him, ignoring the way his knees popped as he lowered, and helped him take them the rest of the way off. His hands lifted to his thighs and he urged them apart so he could come between them, his fingers running up the sensitive skin to his hips. He leaned in and gave his cock a teasing lick, his eyes fixed up at him, before he leaned further still and started pressing kisses along his stomach and hip bones, his tongue occasionally darting out to taste him.

\---

The lick made him suck in a soft breath and the following kisses and flicks of his tongue made him breathe it out in a chuckle. His fingers slid back into Anders’ hair, pulling it free from its tie as he so often did. He worked them through the strands, gripping his hair once his hands were buried deep in it. His eyes were locked on him, watching the path of his mouth with keen interest.

\---

His hands squeezed and stroked his thighs and hips while his mouth worked, lavishing him in attention that occasionally saw his lips drifting down to his cock, but that attention was fleeting. “Tell me, Danarius,” he purred, after giving him a soft suckle at his tip. “Do you wish to fill my throat or somewhere… lower?” He looked up at him with a wicked smile, but waited patiently for an answer.

\---

“Do I have to choose?” He smirked down to him, the suckle winning a soft groan from him. “I’ll close my eyes. Surprise me.” His cock was quickly growing hard from even the subtle teasing, always quick to respond to the healer’s touch. Javaro gave him a rush of approval, though normally he encouraged Danarius to keep control at all times. He enjoyed these sorts of games, so he would allow his host to let the other mage play as he liked.

\---

“A surprise it is.” He straightened and trailed a finger up him to rest against his lips. He leaned in to nibble on his earlobe, before speaking into it. “After I’ve had my fill of you, I want Javaro to come out and ravish me.” His voice was lower and used his teeth to give it a firm pull. The finger at his mouth threatened to dip in, before sliding back all the way down to join the rest in taking him in hand and squeezing.

\---

Danarius grinned, unable to help himself at the rush of delight he felt within him. He throbbed a little in his grasp, eager to be touched. “You wants us both, do you? Javaro is just dying to come out and play with you.” It hadn’t been that long since the last time his demon had pushed the healer’s body to the brink and beyond, but he knew he wanted to do it again.

\---

That was what he wanted to hear and it was encouraging. The demon would be coming out tonight, just not in the way they were imagining. “He’ll have to wait his turn,” he responded, putting as much sex as he could into his voice. He began stroking him, working his way down so he could take him into his mouth and begin sucking on him. He took his time, as if savoring it, giving every bit of him thorough attention with his tongue.

\---

His mouth was a very welcome surprise and he groaned softly when he felt it encasing him. He kept his eyes closed, focusing on just the feel of his tongue and the suction that had his fingers tightening his grip in his hair. “Yes, he will have to wait. I’m sure he can be very patient while we have our fun.”

\---

While he worked him, a hand reached for his discarded robes and he fished through them for a vial of oil, something he’d taken to bringing along for these occasions. He popped the cork out while he busied his mouth, he used  his hand to begin preparing himself. A couple of fingers slick with oil and all of this was a lot more pleasant for him. He managed to perform both tasks admirably and when he was prepared, he doubled down on sucking him, his eyes fixed on him as he took in his reactions carefully.

\---

His eyes opened eventually, unable to resist taking in the lovely view. It felt so good and it always felt just a little better when he could watch the other man fill his throat with him. His hips were rocking slightly, but for the most part he let Anders work as he held still, his breathing picking up and his cock throbbing hard in his mouth as he grew closer.

\---

The change was obvious and he chose that moment to pull off of him, though he did let his tongue play at the head of him a little longer. He climbed to his feet and slid right into the man’s lap, reaching down line everything up, before taking him with a firm drop that saw him sitting neatly on top of him. “Not yet,” he smirked, holding still with him held tight inside.

\---

He took a hissing breath when he sat down on him, his hands moving to grip his hips. He rocked his hips up just a little, wanting to press in as deep as he could. “I just might have to keep you to myself tonight. We’ll have to go at it hard before I might feel up to sharing.”

\---

“I knew you were stingy.” His hands had come to rest on his shoulders and they itched to move in, but he resisted. Not yet. “I am too.” He gave his shoulders a squeeze and kissed him roughly. “If you want to fill me up, you’ll have to flip me over. I rather like just sitting here like this, with you hot inside, in need of release but unable to take it while I’m atop you.”

\---

“Sitting like that will get very dull. I can remedy that for you.” He stole another hard kiss from him before he used his hold on his hips to help turn them and push Anders hard down into the mattress. With a graceful turn, he’d managed to stay inside him so there was no delay in fucking him. He began to pound him hard into the sheets, nipping at his jaw roughly as he thrusted.

\---

He cried out as soon as he was on his back, the transition near seamless. He pressed his feet to the bed and held himself open for the onslaught, his heart beating quickly in anticipation. He dragged his hands up and buried them into his hair, fisting it tightly. This was something he’d done often, so the magister was use to his hands seeking his head in the midst of their lust. “Danarius,” he called, his sounds having a lot more substance as he waited for him to lose himself to what they were doing.

\---

“Anders…” He breathed out his name, as he often had after the mage requested it the first time. His thrusts were wild and fierce, too urgent for anything slow and savory after the thorough teasing he’d gotten. He groaned under his breath, kissing and nipping hard along the side of his neck.

\---

He waited and waited, knowing that he had one chance at this. He waited until his head was in a position that allowed him enough leverage and he was thoroughly distracted by his efforts. The movement itself was quick, his hands pressing firmly on either side of his head and twisting hard until he heard a crack. Quick and simple, far more than the man deserved.

\---

Danarius’ body went rigid with sudden tension, then slumped just as quickly, his limbs beginning to tremor and spasm. He was only limp for a moment before his skin began to tear and split, searingly hot as if flames were emerging from beneath the blood mage. “ _You_ …” The demon snarled from his vantage point over Anders, staring at him with furious, blazing eyes. “Clever little mage, do you have _any_ idea how much I hate grooming new hosts?”

\---

He’d anticipated the heat, but it still made him writhed beneath him when he was suddenly filled with it. He cried out, quickly casting the aura that made the demon’s touch bearable. “Try not picking an asshole next time,” he retorted, meeting his gaze unwaveringly. “I’m not an asshole, wouldn’t you agree? Barring what I just did, perhaps, but he deserved it. Surely we can agree on that much.”

\---

“He did deserve it. All of you do. But that doesn't change the fact that you stole what was an excellent host from me.” His words were a low growl and he looked as if he might lean down and sink his teeth into Anders’ throat at any moment.

\---

This was the being he would be stuck with, if he got what he wanted. _Justice, I’m so sorry._ There would be no response, there never was. His friend would be overpowered by the demon and cease to be, if what he learned of possessions were true. He would be replacing the spirit that had been with him through thick and thin, always supporting him, with something that would use him until he dried up and move on to another.

“Somehow I think you’ll be okay,” he replied, lifting a hand and brushing his fingers along his jaw. “I would take you, if you would give me what I desire.”

\---

“You are inhabited, little mage. You would cast your spirit aside for a demon?” He sounded a little incredulous, but intrigued. He nipped at the fingers at his jaw, but gently. “What is it you desire? There is much I can give you.”

\---

“What has the spirit done for me?” Everything. “I did not even know of its existence within me.” A lie, but one that he intended to maintain to his death, unless the demon joined with him. Then the demon would know everything there was to know, including all of his deceptions. “I think you know what I want. I want Fenris. I want him returned to me, safe, whole, and with his memories intact.” He didn’t know if it was possible to restore his memories, but if there was way to, he imagined Javaro knew how. His fingers traced his lips slowly, completely calm even as he attempted to strike a deal with a demon, betraying everything he stood for.

\---

At that, the demon chuckled. “The elf. I will never understand either of your obsessions with that elf.” Surely there was more that he wanted and if he took this offer, he would find out. His absurdly hot tongue darted out to lick one of the fingers on his lips. “With my help, you could restore him body and mind within a day or so. Though I don't know why you would. He is already yours and now you could shape him to be anything you want him to be.”

\---

He drew his hand back. “I didn’t ask for your opinion, I asked for your help. Agree to give it to me and my body is yours.” He imagined he’d be hearing a lot of such whispers after this, but he would fight him. If nothing else, Vengeance's actions had come from a place of trying to do good and right wrongs. No demon would be interested in such things and he thought, or hoped, that it would make it easier to remain rational. If nothing else, perhaps staying at the elf’s side would calm the demon as much as it did the spirit.

\---

“But you will have my opinion, just the same. I will give you what you want, but you will heed my advice when I demand it of you. And if you ever even think of trading me for another to inhabit you I will tear you to pieces. Do we still have a deal, sweet mage?” He leaned down to press a brief but searing kiss to his lips before pulling back to hear his answer.

\---

“I will _consider_ your advice when you offer it to me.” Whether or not he’d take it would remain his decision alone. He never intended on taking another being into himself, but he couldn’t promise that he wouldn’t try to find a way to separate them. When the demon learned what being in him entailed, he might readily agree to such a thought. His legs lifted and he wrapped them around his waist, pulling him in closer and deeper. “If that is agreeable to you, we have a deal.”

\---

“We do.” He thought the mage would be a fairly agreeable host and if ever he got too stubborn, he could always take control for a short while. “Open yourself to me, sweet mage. I will take you to your precious elf and show you how to restore him.” He finally tore his gaze away, his eyes finding a kneeling guard nearby. “You, uncollar him.” He barked the order and was pleased to see the elf immediately rush to fetch the key and do as he was told.

\---

His heart stuttered as he realized his collar would really be coming off. _Justice…_ If he could buy him enough time, surely he could... but no. If the spirit took over him and challenged the demon, whether or not they survived, Fenris’ memories would never be restored. Whatever Javaro would have him do, it would undoubtedly involve blood magic and he needed him for that. Still, it was hard to brush aside the idea of another way, but he didn’t have time to consider his options. “You will have to hurry.” Knowing that blood would be involved, he lifted his wrist to his mouth bit down in anticipation of what was to come.

\---

Javaro bit his own lip to free a little thick, dark blood of his own before running his tongue slowly over the wound Anders had made. The mixing of their blood made the transition easy and when he slipped inside of him, there was only a moment where he felt strangled before the slave got the collar off of Anders. It was wonderful to be there for the moment he healer’s power came surging back and he took a long moment to analyze his host's thoughts and memories, needing to get acquainted with his new home.

\---

He didn’t know what to expect, perhaps some kind of painful inner struggle as the spirit and the demon duked it out inside of him, but all that happened was that the body over him turned into dead weight. The feel of his magic returning choked him, but there was nothing else that followed. He could feel the presence inside him and knowing what it was and also what it wasn’t brought tears to his eyes, but the disgust of having Danarius’ dead body in top of him won out of all else and he almost panicked as he shoved it off of him and crawled away, his body trembling.

\---

 _Clever, clever little mage._ The voice within was soothing and though a little anger was coming from the demon, he also was pleased and he tried to let more of that positivity seep into his host. _There is much I can do for you. We will bring the templars to their knees. But first, there is the matter of your elf. Stand, little mage. The slaves will dress you and I will tell you where to find him._

_\---_

The tears fell down his cheeks - the voice was not distinctive from Justice’s, coming through in the same way his always had, but the thoughts themselves were so different. His spirit had been destroyed without a fight and the betrayal weighed so heavily on him that he almost sank to the ground when his feet found the floor. He just barely kept himself upright and he grabbed for his robes, hastily pulling them on. He didn’t want help from the slaves and he couldn’t even bring himself to look at them.

\---

_Do not weep, you are not alone. What will you call me?_

As the mage dressed, some of the slaves moved in closer. They were bowed low to him, wanting their orders but clearly afraid to speak up. Finally a young bed slave spoke, her eyes peering up at him nervously. “...How may we serve you, ser? Would you like me to fetch Solea?” She was the slave he had spent the most time with so she assumed the little mage was the slave he'd want as he established his rule.

\---

_Are you not Pride?_

If so, that is what he would call him. He had no desire to give him a name, just as he hadn’t with Justice. Justice was who he was and it was the name he’d taken, so he would follow suit with Pride.

His eyes flicked up to the slave that address him, but his gaze quickly fell. “Fenris.” He was all that he wanted and he sank back into the edge of the bed as sorrow overtook him, his face falling into his hands. “Fetch Fenris.”

\---

“Yes, master.” The slave scurried away, a couple following her but most of the elves staying near Anders.

_I am Pride. But I will answer to whatever you wish to call me._


	4. Chapter 4

It didn't take long for the slaves to return with a very nervous looking Fenris. His eyes briefly regarded Danarius’ corpse, then he lowered to kneel before Anders. “I swear to protect you where I failed him, master.” Though he had been sent away, he still feared that he would be blamed for the lack of security.

\---

He didn’t react to the slave or the demon, too caught up in his despair to spare their responses a thought. It wasn’t until they returned and he heard an achingly familiar voice that his hands fell and he regarded the kneeling elf before him. He stared at him, his heart pounding, then reached for him. “Hold me,” he begged, not caring that his compliance would be from his training to obey. He needed to be in his arms.

\---

It was an order he'd never heard before and for a second, he looked puzzled. But he did not hesitate or question him. He rose to his feet and moved to the edge of the bed where his new master sat. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but once he slipped his arms around Anders, muscle memory kicked in and he wrapped him up in a comforting, tight embrace.

\---

His tears shifted into sobs as he sank into his arms, returning the embrace desperately. He’d not touched or even spoken into him in countless months and in all that time, he alone had ached. He’d forced himself into a similar state as the warrior, pretending that he didn’t exist, that he meant nothing to him just to get through countless days, but the pain had been there under the surface. The fact that they were reunited and he still did not know him was enough to bring it all out and he was a mess in his arms.

\---

“I am sorry, master. I won't let you down.” Fenris was at a complete loss for what to do with the sobbing mage in his arms. He stroked his back absently, hoping that he could soothe him, though he was clearly out of his element.

_Do not despair. He will love you. Whether you restore his memories or not, he will love you. You simply have to teach him. Teach him to love you and all of the mages. Make him everything you need him to be while he is a blank slate, sweet mage._

\---

_Shut up! He was everything I needed before you took him away from me. You will tell me how to bring his memories back._

Right now, he wanted to do it. He wanted to bring them all back… Well, all of them that had been taken from him this time. He didn’t want to restore the memories that had been taken from him before, not without knowing Fenris’ desires on the matter. He didn’t know if it was possible to only bring back one set and not the other, but he would try.

\---

_He was not everything you needed. You could barely stomach him for the majority of the time you've known him. I'm only suggesting that he could be improved, but I will uphold my end of the bargain. You need a little of Danarius’ blood for this. Before it congeals too much._

Fenris still held his new master, starting to stroke his back slowly. Perhaps if he could calm him, he would give him orders that made more sense. Perhaps if he couldn't calm him, he would be beaten until he learned to do it correctly.

\---

_You know nothing._

He pulled back from the elf reluctantly, wiping at his face with the back of his hand. “Have you a dagger?” he asked the warrior, holding out his hand to receive it, should he have one on him.

\---

_I know everything. I know everything you ever hated about him. I know part of you wanted to leave his vicious, bigoted ass on that slave ship. This is your opportunity to mold him into something more useful to you._

“Yes, master.” After a month or so after waking without his memory, he'd been entrusted with weapons again. He stood and pulled the dagger from his hip, offering Anders the hilt. He looked a little anxious, not imagining the mage meant to do anything kind with the blade, and stood tense, waiting for whatever would come.

\---

_Then you know everything that I love about him and that there are no lengths that I would not go to get him back._

Everything the demon was trying to convince him with was in the past. Hated, not hate. Where they had come from did not matter to him, what mattered was he was so close to having him back. He took the dagger from him. “Thank you, love. Stay close, okay?” He shifted on the bed, moving closer to the body and cutting deeply into his thigh. The sight of the blood made him feel sick, knowing that he would be using in for this magic.

_What now?_

\---

“Of course, master.” Fenris had certainly never been called ‘love’ before, but he'd been called worse so he definitely wouldn't complain. He remained perfectly still where he stood beside the bed, watching Anders and waiting on his next order.

_You need to dip your fingers into it. You're unpracticed in blood magic so you would do better to speak the incantation as you touch him with it. Paint him in Danarius’ blood - a line on his forehead, on his lips, over his heart. The magic will make him receptive, then all that is left is to remind him. Not too much at once, but tell him about who you are to him. Speak of Orlais._

The incantation the demon instructed him to repeat was a spell of opening, not unlike one a mage might try to open a locked door.  He was disappointed that Anders would not retrain Fenris, but was willing enough to offer his help.

\---

He felt sick to his stomach as he slid his fingers into the wound, thoroughly coating them. _Will he only remember what I tell him?_ That wouldn't do. There was so much that he didn't know about his life and he wanted him to remember all of it. All of it that he’d known before, anyway.

He drew back from the body and moved off of the bed, coming to stand before him. He paused there, struggling with what needed to be done, but knowing that nothing would stop him from doing it.

\---

_No. Everything you tell him will open doors to more of his memories. That is why you must go slowly. He will be overwhelmed._

Fenris bowed his head as Anders drew near, then straightened up again. He was no stranger to blood magic and the sight and smell of his dead master's blood didn't seem to phase him. In truth, this was the most normal thing he'd seen his new master do.

\---

Somewhat assured, he painted the blood as he was told and spoke the incantation, letting his power wash over him. He was wound tight as he pulled his hand back, looking over him anxiously for some sign that he’d hurt him or done it wrong.

_Did I do it right?_

_\---_

Fenris looked frightened, his breath quickening as he waited for the effects of the unfamiliar spell. Though he began to tremble, he stood obediently in front of him, hoping whatever happened would be quick and not the slow burn of most blood magic.

_You did. He's just afraid. He's not used to his master's punishments or experiments being painless, sweet mage._

\---

His heart raced and didn’t know what to say, but he’d been told to speak of Orlais so he just began rambling. “Remember when we got off the ship in Orlais? Before we left the room, you pulled me aside and reminded me that you were staying with me. That you were putting everything else behind you and the you would never take another ship without me. Do you remember, love? I didn’t have to tell you how I feared you leaving one day, you knew, and before we stepped off, you assured me that you never would. You didn’t even love me then, but you promised to stay with me for as long as I wanted you there.”

\---

“I don't…” He was still fearful, but clearly the wheels in his head were turning. He met his amber eyes searchingly, then dropped them again. “I'm sorry, master. I don't remember.”

_Keep going. He is starting to work through the barriers Danarius put in his mind._

\---

The response brought tears to his eyes, but he was determined. “Do you remember when I gave you a love letter? You were getting so much better at reading and during one of our lessons, I pushed it over to you and told you it was your next task. You began to read it aloud, but when you realized what it was, you went quiet. Fool that I am, I filled up the entire parchment with my nonsense and you couldn’t even finish it before you dropped it to hold me.” The tears dripped down and he lifted his bloody fingers to his mouth, covering it.

\---

“I'm sorry, master, I don't remember.” But his voice was different this time, distant as he startled to puzzle through why the words were so familiar. “...Did you teach me to read, master? With names? Names on little pieces of parchment?” He couldn't remember it, not really, but it felt right just the same.

\---

He gasped and gave a shaking sob. “Yes, I taught you. I taught you your name, my name, even my true name.” It took everything in him not to fall back into his arms, but he was weeping something awful as he began to tell him everything he could think of about their time in Orlais. He’d been instructed not throw too much at him at a time, but he couldn’t stop. He rambled and rambled, not giving him a break to absorb any of it, desperate for him to remember.

\---

The more Anders spoke the more frightened Fenris looked. Eventually he took a staggering step back from him, though he was too unsteady and fell gracelessly onto his rear. He stared down at his own hands as if he didn't recognize them, his eyes unfocused as he sifted through a jumble of partial memories.

 _Easy, sweet mage. I've seen men go into seizures if they're struck by too much at once._ Not that he minded, but he didn't want to deal with anymore heartache from the healer. _Touch will help too. Touch him in the ways you used to. His body will remember more than his mind will._

\---

He tensed when he fell, his eyes wide, but when told to close the distance between them, he didn’t hesitate. He fell to his knees and crawled over to him, taking him into his arms. “I love you so much,” he cried, but refrained from telling him anything else. If it would hurt him, he would stop, but why wasn’t it working? Why couldn’t he remember him?

\---

Fenris clung to him, burrowing into the mage in a way that was so much different than the way he’d held him before. He began to weep with the mage, confused and frightened by all of the disjointed images and conversations in his mind, not sure how much of it was real. “I was so tired of stew on that ship.” It seemed a comical thing for him to lament over as he wept onto Anders’ shoulder, but it was one of the more discernable thoughts he had because it wasn’t so tied up in emotion.

\---

“Fenris.” His voice was so tight, but he was right. They had been hardly any variety and by the end, he’d complained about it and spoken wistfully about what they would be able to eat when they reached Orlais. “Oh, Fenris.” He rocked and wept with him, completely giving in to his emotions as they shared their pain.

\---

“That isn’t my name though. I don’t know my name. Do you know who I am?” He asked, his tone tight with panic. He was remembering some things, but not others and frankly he didn’t know how much he should or should not remember. Moments before he’d been perfectly fine with knowing next to nothing about himself, but now that he’d gotten a taste of his stolen memories and there was someone desperate for him to remember them, he had to know.

\---

The response was unexpected and he pulled back a little, looking at him with fearful apprehension. “I… I don’t know. You are Fenris to me, my love.” Fenris had told him before, though he wanted to know his name, that it meant nothing to him. That he’d already cast side, even though he did not  know it, but he was at a loss on what to say.

_Is he okay? You told me that he would remember everything, why is he having so much trouble? Did I do it wrong? Did I hurt him?_

\---

_I told you he would remember in a day or so. He’s being hit with a lifetime of memories all at once, sweet mage. He’s confused and he’s frightened. Just be patient and help him work through it. ...Since you would like to know, his name was Leto._

“I am Fenris to you, you are Anders. We met on a ship? No, before. But we weren’t...there were others. I was running. From...I didn’t know them, but I was running from them. Then we were on a ship and I...met you again?” He looked every bit as confused as he sounded. He was starting to hyperventilate, his hands gripping Anders’ robe desperately as if the mage was his stable anchor while the rest of his world spun.

\---

He frowned at the information, the name wrong to him, and did not offer it. He didn’t want him to remember such things, so he would not tell him. If he remembered on his own, then so be it. “Shh,” he murmured to him, “I will tell you everything, just take deep breaths and listen. You are safe with me.” He was still crying, but it had dwindled into only periodic tears. “We met in Kirkwall,” he explained, describing the way he’d stepped into his clinic, freshly recruited by Hawke after some job he hadn’t tagged along for, and their eyes had met.

He spared few details as he slowly walked him through the years spent in Kirkwall, though it hurt to dwell in the memories of their animosity. Unlike the rambling mess that had been their time in Orlais, he was deliberate in all that he told him, pausing here and there to give him time ingest it, before continuing on. He tried to keep Fenris the focus of his tale, including himself only when relevant, but the truth was that he knew so little about what had been going on his life while they were in Kirkwall. He simply hadn’t been a part of it, so the little he did know came from gossip and his observations from the missions they’d shared.

Still, there was a lot to say about the passing years and he did his best to leave nothing out. By the time he got to his romance with Hawke and the events that foraged their connection - he’d offered a vague explanation on how he’d acquired Justice at the beginning when explaining why Fenris loathed him - hours had passed and his voice was hoarse, but he told him everything he knew about the short lived relationship. It was difficult to speak of and he kept the part he’d played in it minimal, telling him only why he was involved and how it resulted in them falling in love with each other.

When he got back to the ship, he fell into silence and offered no more, since that just about covered everything up to their relationship.

\---

He listened in silence, never speaking up to ask questions, only nodding vaguely any time Anders paused to let him think over something he’d said. Even when the mage went quiet, he was still and silent for a very long time, just sitting with his fingers wound tightly in Anders’ robes and his head on his shoulder. When he finally spoke up, his voice was a whisper. “I’m sorry, Anders. I’m so, so sorry.”

\---

He didn’t know what he was apologizing for, but he didn’t need it. “Don’t be,” he murmured, having long since gone numb since he’d started speaking. “I wish I had more to tell you, but you will remember. All of the things that I don’t know, you will remember by tomorrow.” If Pride was telling the truth, all of Fenris’ questions would be answered by then.

\---

“I don’t like what I saw  in Kirkwall. I don’t like who I was.” He could remember very little detail, but he could remember pain and bitterness when he heard Anders speak of that time. “I liked what you said about Orlais better. Can we go back to Orlais instead?”

\---

The question made his heart clench briefly, but he fell back into numbness with a few breaths. “Of course, love.” He continued his tale then, this time fleshing it out and making sense of his earlier ramblings. This was where he could be detailed. He’d been there for all of it and their story was the most important one he had. Talking about how they fell in love and the year they’d spent together took nearly as long as the all the years before it. This time when he concluded, stopping just before they were picked up by Danarius, his voice was nearly gone.

\---

“I like that story a lot better.” Fenris murmured, having closed his eyes over the course of his talking but still listening closely. “I remember some of it. I can _see_ some of it, but not all of it. I just don’t understand...did he take it from me? I only remember waking up to being hurt and my master telling me that I was punished because I had tried to escape. I didn’t...he made me feel like I had always been here.”

\---

“He took away your memories and lied to you, but I undid it. The magic I used on you was to break whatever barrier he put on your mind. You will remember soon, I promise. It will all make sense.” He stroked his fingers through his hair slowly, looking up at one of the slaves that had been lingering nearby during all of that. “Water, please.” He needed it badly.

\---

“Yes, master.” It seemed that the slaves were itching for something to do because more than one answered and a handful of them went right for the door. Fenris nestled further into Anders, the fingers in his hair much softer than any touch he’d received in a long time. “I don’t know how he made me forget. I still don’t remember anything before Kirkwall, but I remember you. I don’t understand how I could forget you. I’m so sorry.”

Though all of the slaves returned, it was Solea who held the pitcher of water. She had heard what had happened but hadn’t wanted to intrude, choosing to wait for an opportune time to slip into the room and check on her friend. Her eyes lingered for a long moment on the carcass of her master, then she moved to kneel by the men on the floor. She poured water into the glass another slave had carried in and offered it to Anders.

\---

“No, no. It’s not your fault.” Hearing that he remembered him brought with it a welling of emotion and he waited until it eased back down to go on. “Don’t fret, it will be like it never happened.” He would remember everything that he was meant to and it would be like he’d never forgotten. He never really believed he’d have him back, but here he was and it made everything he’d done to get here worth it.

\---

“I love you.” It felt strange saying it to a man that he hadn't known earlier that day, but Fenris knew it was true. Solea reached to touch Anders’ shoulder lightly, then offered him the water again. “Please, ser. Drink this.”

\---

His heart throbbed and his arms tightened around him, though he instinctively knew what was too much. “I love you.” More than he could put into words. He startled when he was touched, not having been paying attention to anything that wasn’t the elf in his arms. He saw Solea there and, without thinking to question her presence, he took the water from her and drank deeply from it, draining almost all of it, before handing it back. “Thank you.”

\---

“You're welcome. Perhaps I could take you to another room to rest? Draw a bath for you or bring you something to eat in bed?” Solea asked, her eyes fixed on Anders and studying him for any signs that he may have been injured. Fenris ignored her completely, nestled in Anders’ arms and staring off at nothing as he tried to sort through his memories.

\---

“...Yes, do that.” Not for him, though. The bath and food would be for Fenris and then he could rest. If he got some sleep, perhaps by the time he woke all would be sorted and then they could leave and return to the life they’d been taken away from.

\---

“Yes, ser.” Solea rose to her feet and offered a hand to him. “I will take you to another bedroom.” The other slaves began bustling around, thrilled to have orders, indirect as they were. Fenris didn't seem to notice their prompt to get up, completely lost in his own thoughts and clinging to his lover.

_He's fine, just watching a lot of memories as if he is seeing them for the first time. Similar to dreaming._

\---

_I understand, but I want him back._

He could be patient, difficult as it was while he was close to what he wanted. He’d waited months for this and so another day was nothing. He shook his head at the offered hand, focusing instead on getting the elf in his arms moving. “Come on, love, it’s time to get up.” He shifted awkwardly to start to rise, using his hold to pull him up alongside him.

\---

_I promised that you would in a day or so, not hours. At least he knows you now. And he is still malleable. If there is anything you want to change about him, now is the time._

Fenris stood up when Anders pulled him up, leaning lightly into the mage but carrying his own weight. “Are we going back to Orlais?” He sounded a little dazed, his eyes unfocused and fixed on the floor.

\---

He wouldn’t deign that with a response. “Soon,” he assured him, guiding him out of the room. He didn’t know where they were going, but he walked along, waiting for Solea to tell them when they’d gone far enough.

\---

Solea moved alongside them and guided them into the nearest guest room when they reached it. She shepherded them to the bed and offered Anders a slight smile. “Would you like your meal or your bath first, ser?”

Fenris walked along in silence and rather than sit down on the bed, his grip on Anders tightened. His lips were moving soundlessly, echoing bits of conversation he was experiencing again and slow tears rolled down his cheeks. Solea didn't seem to think much of the warrior's behavior or the blood smeared on his skin, she only had eyes for the healer and whatever he would ask of her.

\---

He looked him over and seeing that he needed time to think, he replied, “A bath.” It would give him more time to put things together and when they were done, he would pull him out of his memories with food. He brought him to the edge of the bed and sat down, pulling him with, so they were side by side and he could slide his arms around his middle. He didn’t try to interrupt, just holding him so that he felt safe while he caught back up to where they were.

\---

Fenris settled against Anders, closing his eyes. His breaths hitched softly with his weeping, but he seemed very calm as he took in everything that Danarius’ magic had sealed away. Solea bowed her head and left the room to coordinate the other slaves to have dinner ready when the bath was finished. It wasn't long before she returned to Anders with a soft smile. “I know you better than to ask if you'd like us to watch over Fenris while you bathe. Come along, Anders.”

\---

He didn’t bother to correct her misconception. “Up we go, love,” he murmured to him, helping him back to his feet. He kept his arm around him as they made their way to the bath. Outside the familiar room, he paused, “I would like to be alone with him.” He didn’t want anyone else in there, not until they were finished. “Please bring something light and comfortable for him to wear.” With that, he stepped inside and over to the basin, before turning to him and trying to figure out how to pull off his armor.

\---

“Of course, no one will disturb you.” She assured him, bowing her head before leaving the men. Fenris stood next to the basin, which was easily large enough for three people, and stared down into it as if he had never seen such a thing. It had in fact been a long time since he'd actually been in a tub and not just scrubbed raw and doused in water by retired slaves. Seeing it reminded him of a particular night they'd shared a bath together in Orlais and he gave a choked little sob, burying his face in his hands and squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to cling to every detail of that moment unlike so many of the other memories that were hazy and unclear.

_He was made to kill, little mage. Consider the good he can do for your cause. If you redirect some of this emotion as rage toward the templars, he could devastate them for you._

\---

_Shut up. I have no cause, not any longer._

He stripped him down to nothing and when he was bare, he carefully tugged his hands down from his face. “It’ll be okay.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, since his forehead was smeared with blood, then took hold of him and urged him to climb into the water.

\---

_Of course you do. You can't live a quiet life in Orlais hoping the templars never spy you or Fenris doesn't catch another slaver’s eye. Free the slaves in Tevinter, then use the elves to fight the templars. You'll be a hero to both the elves and the mages._

“It's not okay. I was a bad slave and I was _awful_ to you. I killed so many people. I was only happy when I was with you, but I tried to kill you too.” Though Anders had explained everything to him in sequence, it seemed the order in which his memories were coming back to him was a jumbled mess. He was easy to coax into the water, sinking down into the basin and curling up tightly.

\---

The demon was talking nonsense, so he went back to ignoring him. This was made easy by Fenris’ concerning words. “Fenris, what are you talking about? A bad slave?” That thought would have never crossed the mind of the elf he knew. He kept a hand on him, pulling a nearby stool closer and sitting down, but rather than start washing him, he waited anxiously for an answer.

\---

“I was a bad slave. I was angry with Danarius for my marks but I asked for them. I talked back, I broke rules, I ran away. Then I was on the slave ship with you and I tried to kill you. I wanted to run from you too but your demon stopped me. I'm so sorry I was so bad…” There were tears in his eyes when he looked up to Anders. The time between Kirkwall and Orlais was hazy at best and the way he'd felt about Justice at that time was coloring his memory of it.

\---

Realizing that he really was remembering everything, he went pale. His stomach rolled, but he nodded to the jumbled explanation, as if it made sense. It didn’t. “You weren’t bad,” he told him softly, picking a rag hanging over the edge of the tub and wetting it. “It’ll be okay,” he repeated, though the reassurance wasn’t helping either of them. If all of it was coming back to him at once, would he even be the same man he’d fallen in love with when it was over?

\---

_Silly mage, you don't get to pick and choose what he remembers. You dispelled the magic shrouding his mind. It was all or nothing._

“I know you forgave me, but I'm still sorry.” Fenris relaxed himself a little, seeing that Anders meant to wash him so he would need to uncurl his tensed body. “Will you come in here with me?”

\---

He’d suspected that this could happen and so it was no surprise, he’d just hoped that he could restore him to how knew him. Then go from there. For better or worse, he knew that this was something Fenris would have wanted in the end, so it was a kindness. A kindness that might result in everything changing between them, but he would not be selfish. If the man that Fenris was meant to be wasn’t the man he loved, all that mattered to him was that he was free and happy.

Besides, even if he didn’t change, it was hardly the only difference that might tear them apart. He’d become the one thing Fenris despised above all else, so who was to say he would even want him if he went back to normal?

“Not this time, love,” he replied, his voice far away. He lifted the rag and began to wash him carefully, the action mechanical.

\---

“I love you, Anders.” He let the healer clean him, soothed by the gentle touch that was never too rough on his tattoos. He began to stare off again, his eyes going unfocused as he continued to work through the vast amount of information he'd received at once.

\---

“I love you, too,” he replied, without really thinking about it. He was thorough as he washed him, making sure clean every part of him. Even behind his ears. The blood on his face was wiped away with a few light strokes as a final touch, and then he set the rag aside. Using a nearby ewer to gather up water, he wet his hair and began work some soap into the locks with his fingers.

\---

Fenris was deep in memory, but this time he did not weep. The gentle, roaming touches that came with being washed helped to keep him grounded and calm. He breathed a little sigh, the fingers lathering his hair feeling so pleasant and familiar.

\---

He took his time with this, wanting to take care of him, but there was only so much he could scrub, so he pulled up the ewer to rinse it out, tipping his head back so as to not get soap in his eyes. He filled it twice more, making sure to get all of the soap out of his hair, before setting it aside. He got up to fetch a warm towel for him and carried it over, opening it up for him. “Time to get out.”

\---

Still looking dazed, he climbed out of the basin and into the towel. His damp hands sought Anders taking hold of his robes as he had before, as if someone might yank the mage away from him at any moment.

_Sleep will help. Just give him a little sleeping draught and he'll have an easier time sorting through this._

\---

_He can sleep after he eats._

He wrapped the towel around him securely, under his arms as opposed to his waist, so he was as decent as possible. His hands fell to the ones gripping his robes and he eased them off. “Stay here, I have to fetch your clothing.” He stepped away from him and went to the door, opening it and peeking out. “Solea?”

\---

_And after he glows. He did a good job of hiding that little lyrium trick from Danarius._

Solea was nearby with a fresh set of robes for the two of them. “...Fenris doesn't have any comfortable clothing, but I found a couple lightweight robes instead.” She said apologetically, offering them to him.

\---

Again, he had nothing to say in response to Pride, so he didn’t bother. At most, there was a flicker of anger, but he was so detached that it was gone before it even formed. He took the robes from her, barely glancing them over. “That works.” Until Fenris decided what he wanted to wear. He withdrew back into the room, the door shutting, and he returned to the elf. “Let’s get these on and we can eat, okay?”

\---

Fenris nodded and began to pull on the robes offered, though he struggled with the fastenings. Partially because he was unfocused and partially because he had the muscle memory for taking them off his lover, not putting them on. The towel had fallen to pool around his feet, but he didn't notice it.

_You can't keep ignoring me, little mage. If you don't want to make use of him while his mind can be changed, so be it. But he will give us lyrium before he sleeps tonight. If you won't ask him to, I'll come forward and do it myself._

\---

_I will jump out of the tallest window in this place before I let you control me, demon._

Internal threats aside, he helped the warrior dress. In a time before all of this, he would have been amused to see him wearing robes  and probably would have made fun of him to boot. Now, as he took in how out of place he looked, he felt a pang of sorrow that seemed to echo throughout the deepest regions of his mind.

“Much better.” He took hold of his arm, to give him a slight tug towards the door.

\---

_If you even think it, I will stop you. This will all be so much easier if you listen. I'm not asking much._

His hands sought Anders’ robes again, wanting to keep hold of him as they started for the door. Solea was outside and she smiled to see them emerge. “Dinner is already in your room. I'll guide you back to it.”

\---

_You’re welcome to try, but I’m sure you’ve discovered how stubborn I can be._

If it came to it, he would do whatever it took to keep the demon in control. His mind briefly flitted to the idea of his collar, the way it had completely rid him of Justice’s influence, but the thought was not fully formed.

He allowed Solea to lead on, but when they reached the room, he told her that he wanted privacy once more. He stepped into the room with him and shut the door behind them, taking Fenris to the bed and helping him ease down to sit at the headboard. He let go of him and pulled a nearby chair over to the edge of the bed for himself, before grabbing a platter of food that had been set on the nearby dresser and bringing it to him.

“Here we go,” he set it down on the edge of the bed beside him and told him to eat whatever he craved.

\---

“...This is mine?” He sounded a little confused as he looked over the food with hazy, distant eyes. His fare for the last several months had been bland meat and vegetables, not unlike the stew on the ship, with the occasional treat of scraps from Danarius’ meal. Having an entire platter set out and being told he could have any of it sounded too good to be true. Fresh tears prickled at the corners of his eyes. “I can have any of it?”

\---

“You can have _all_ of it.” He offered him a strained smile and pushed the platter closer to him, before taking a seat in the chair. He couldn’t eat even if he wanted to, so he didn’t reach to take anything for himself. “It would be better if you didn’t, I doubt you could fit so much into your stomach, but you’re welcome to try.”

\---

The tears rolled down his cheeks and he began picking at things on the platter seeming to want a bite of everything. He wasn't even particularly hungry, always well fed, but it was so good to taste different things. It didn't seem to take much for him to get lost in memory again though, slowing down once he'd tasted a little from each option and eventually stopping to simply stare off at a far wall.

\---

When it seemed he was done, Anders stood to carry the platter away. When he returned to the bed, he stood over it and reached for his shoulders, urging him to lay. “Let’s get some sleep,” he murmured, considering getting him the sleeping draught that Pride had mentioned. He doubted he would be able to sleep without it - there was far too much going on in his mind - and he needed his rest.

\---

“Will you lay with me?” He didn't want to be alone. Everything was confusing to him and Anders was the only thing he really recognized in his jumble of memories. Still, he laid back obediently, his glassy gaze moving to the ceiling rather than the wall.

\---

“Later. There are things I must take care of, but I will stay until you are asleep.” He took hold of his hand and brought it to his lips so he could kiss the back of it. “You will need something to help you sleep.” He rose to his feet and not unlike he had in the bathroom, he poked his head out of the door and requested the potion in question.

\---

Solea was standing nearby and she nodded, rushing away to fetch the potion. When she returned, she placed it in his hand and met his eyes. “Is there anything else I can do for you, Anders?”

\---

He took the potion from her and paused at her request, thinking. “Prepare… whatever we might need to leave. We leave tomorrow. If there are horses, all the better, if not, we will walk.” Without waiting for an answer, he shut the door and turned to face the bed. Approaching it, he opened the vial and lifted it to his nose, making sure it was what he’d requested. Assured that it was, he sat down in the chair and offered it to him. “A couple sips of this and you’ll be sleeping in no time, love.”

\---

“You'll stay until I sleep?” He asked, though he took the potion without waiting for an answer. He drank all of it with complete trust that it was what Anders said, setting the empty vial aside. “Please?”

\---

“I’ll be right here,” he assured him, leaning into the bed and resting his forearms against the edge, his hands woven together. “I’ll be right here as long as you need me.”

No matter what was like when he awoke. No matter how different, he would help him until he no longer needed it. Then they would go from there.

\---

_I will let him rest for now. But I will sample his lyrium tomorrow._

Fenris leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Anders’ cheek. The man was a stranger to him, and yet, he wasn't. They had so much history and he felt such safety and warmth with him, even if he couldn't completely understand it. He settled back on the pillows then, still staring off but his eyes clearly very heavy. “I love you, Anders.”

\---

He looked sad and this time, he held his tongue. “Close your eyes,” he urged, knowing it wouldn’t be much longer until he was pulled into the Fade. After, he would have all of the time in the world to deal with this as he needed to for himself.

\---

He did as he was told, letting his heavy eyes fall closed. It didn't take long for the potion to do its work, his breaths growing deep and his eyes shifting behind their lids as he took in his memories more vividly than he could while he was awake.

\---

When he was under, Anders sank back into the chair, exhausted. Too much. It was too much and not enough. He rose to his feet and made his way out of the room. The door shut behind him and he leaned against it. “Go,” he murmured, not caring who was there. If there was anyone there. His eyes had shut and he could see nothing. There were footsteps that faded and as soon as they were gone, he collapsed to his knees, his palms pressing to the floor in front of him and his entire body shook.

\---

 _Rest, sweet mage. If you truly mean to leave tomorrow, you will need your strength._ The demon said rather soothingly into his mind. _Though your travel should be easy. There are more than enough provisions and coin to see you comfortably to Orlais._

\---

_Stop. Stop speaking to me, stop._

He sank down, unable to keep himself up, his forehead pressing to the floor and his hands lifting to weave behind his head. He rocked, so silent in his pain that he didn’t even breathe. He’d long accepted that if all of this worked as intended, he would be the one thing he vowed to never become, the one thing that Fenris could never understand or forgive. He didn’t regret it, not when it made it possible to free his lover, but the thought of him coming back and all of his memories of who he use to be conflicting with who he was…

His mouth opened in a silent sob, but he still wasn’t breathing.

\---

There was a flicker of amusement from the demon, but he kept quiet. His host would need some time to adjust and he wouldn't keep pushing him. At least not for now. He simply offered him a soothing little wave of emotion and otherwise left him alone.

\---

He hadn’t been lying when he told Fenris that there were things to he had to do, they just didn’t really seem to matter. He finally sucked in a breath and with it came a terrible strained sound, but then all was quiet as his breath held once more. He continued like that for some time, until he felt faint and then he crawled forward a little, only to collapse into a heap.

\---

It took some time for a patrolling set of guards to find their new master on the ground. They rushed to him, dropping to their knees before him. “Master, are you hurt? Is there trouble?” One asked while the other scanned the hallway carefully for an attacker.

\---

At that point, he’d caught his breath and the title with which he’d been regarded since killing Danarius settled on him. So simply their loyalties shifted, but that was to be expected when they were trained to only care about who owned them and nothing else. He didn’t, though, and he didn’t want to be called that, but he couldn’t bring himself to argue. “Leave me,” he mumbled against the floor.

\---

“Yes, master.” The two of them followed the order without question. They rose to their feet, giving the hallway one last look around, before moving on with their patrol.

\---

When they were gone and he was alone once more, he slowly pushed himself to his knees. He crawled over to the wall near the door and leaned against it, his legs curled up beside him as he pressed sideways into it. His thoughts had drifted to Justice as the numbness settled back into place.

_Is he truly gone?_

The demon would know, would he?

\---

_He is. But I can be good to you in his place. I did restore your Fenris, just as I promised I would._

\---

He’d killed him then, he’d really killed him. Or destroyed him. Whatever it was that happened to spirits and demons, he’d selfishly brought him to his end. It was not just. Were the spirit in his mind - and he desperately wished that he were - he couldn’t imagine what he would hear. He couldn’t imagine all of the silenced thoughts that had never reached him as he planned his demise. As he accepted the deal of a demon - no, as he _offered_ a deal _to_ a demon.

_You will never be as good as him._

\---

_But I am what you have now. I was the only one who could have given you your precious elf. I would have thought you might be a little more grateful. If not for me, he'd still be groveling at your feet and calling you ‘master’ instead of telling you he loves you._

\---

_If not for you, we would still be in Orlais and there would not have been any need to restore him._

Of course, most of the blame undoubtedly laid with Danarius, but he’d been a passenger and, undoubtedly, an encouraging whisper in his mind. All of the pain that they’d had to endured had been, at least partially, coaxed by this awful thing that now resided inside of him. Not just any demon, but Danarius’ demon. It made his skin crawl to think of it and he knew that there had to be some way to get it out of him.

\---

_For me? If it were up to me, Danarius would have given up the chase years ago. Or at least just killed him when he found him. He was already grooming a replacement and I still couldn't break his obsession with that damned slave._

\---

He snorted under his breath, not believing him. Not that he had any reason to lie to him, not about that. It didn’t matter. _We both know I don’t want you inside me and I doubt, by now, you want to be inside me. Is there a way to separate us? You can find a more...suitable host and I can pretend I didn’t give up everything that I am?_

\---

_If I find a more suitable host, I may choose to leave you. Until then, I expect you to uphold your end of the bargain. I did what you asked of me, even after I lost what was a very good host because of you._

\---

He took in a deep breath, knowing what that meant. One day, if the demon saw fit, he would just drop dead. No matter, he was tainted and so he knew what it was like to have his life be on a ticking clock. He’d already passed through a considerable chunk of his shortened lifespan, so what difference did it make?

_Be a tolerable demon and I will._

\---

_I will. Now get your rest. Tomorrow will be an eventful day._

\---

This time he listened, pushing himself to his feet. Whatever there was to be done, Solea could take care of it, so he made his way back into the room. Fenris was where he’d left him and he stood at the door, watching him for a time, before making his way over to the chair. He sat down in it and leaned back in it, arms crossing over himself as he shut his eyes. If there were any of the potion left, he might have had a sip, but he was left to struggle past his thoughts for some time, before he finally drifted off.


	5. Chapter 5

It was late the next morning that Fenris finally began to stir. It was some of his latest memories that his mind was working through, so they were far from pleasant. His fingers dug into the sheets and he began to thrash, mumbling a mixture of threats and pleas in Tevene, his face twisted in phantom pain.

\---

He wasn’t sure whether to be surprised or not by the fact that they’d gone undisturbed for so long. Sure, he’d said he didn’t want to be disturbed, but it was getting on to be late in the morning. He could have poked his head out, to see who was standing outside the door waiting for him, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up. If Solea was there, they would be out...eventually.

The time was more productively spent staring at nothing, fractured thoughts tumbling around in his head. He tried to think of what would come, but was more often stuck thinking about what had passed.

When the sleeping warrior began to fuss, his eyes snapped to him and observed  his distress for only a breath, before he was leaning in and setting a hand on his shoulder. “Fenris, shh, it’s okay.” He gave him a light shake, just enough to try and wake him from whatever was troubling him.

\---

The touch seemed to pull him from his dream and he quieted, though it took a little longer for his eyes to open. They were sharper than they had been the day before and they immediately sought Anders. He sat up enough to get his arms around the mage, clinging to him tightly as he tried to slow his breathing and his racing heart.

\---

He met his gaze and when he was grabbed, he eased further from the chair to sit down on the edge of the bed. “It’s okay,” he assured him, as he had before, though he wasn’t certain what kind of response he would get. He hoped nothing like what he’d heard yesterday, but he was prepared for the worst. His hand stroked his back and he shut his eyes, waiting to see just who it was that he held in his arms.

\---

“It will be okay when we're far away from here.” He clung tightly to Anders, needing to convince himself that he wasn't still dreaming and he really had him now. He inhaled deeply, needing to take in the scent of his lover’s hair as that was one memory that was very sharp to him now.

\---

“We’re leaving here as soon as you’re ready to go,” he assured him, lacking the desperation that had been so strong in him the previous day. That was so strong in Fenris now. “We’re going back to Orlais and if you decide you want to go somewhere else, we’ll go somewhere else.”

\---

“We'll stay in Orlais.” He finally leaned back enough to look at him. “...Did you really have to put me in robes, Anders? There was nothing else here?” It was hard to jest here, but the relief that they would be leaving soon lightened his tone slightly.

\---

The response was unexpected and it lifted his heart, just a little. “They look good on you,” he tried, but the delivery was flat. He gave the front of the robes a tug to adjust how they were sitting on him. He didn’t know what to say to him so after a moment of silence, he prodded, “How much do you remember?”

\---

“Probably not everything. But a lot.” He didn't doubt that he was missing pieces. He simply hadn't had the time to see his entire life’s worth of memories. “I remember your name, your favorite tea, nights by the fire in Orlais. I remember enough to know I was only truly happy with you.”

\---

“And I with you,” he murmured, still not daring to hope. “Then your life before? It has come back to you?” The reason why he’d been crying about being a ‘bad slave’ in the bath. If it did, he could only hope that he did not continue to hold onto that mentality.

\---

“Some of it. None of it pleasant. I just want you and I just want to leave.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Do you think our little house is still unoccupied? Maybe we can move right back in and it will be like we never left.”

\---

He returned the kiss, but there wasn’t the spark that should’ve been there. He didn’t feel relieved. He didn’t feel happy. Why didn’t he feel happy? It seemed to be everything that he wanted, but he didn’t trust that it was and he was so numb. “There’s only one way to find out, love.” They would go back and maybe it would all fall into place. “We’ll eat and you can change, if you like, and we’ll leave.”

\---

“The robes will serve for now, I'll just bring armor along.” He wouldn't have anything else to bring so he'd still be traveling light enough. He moved to sit up on the edge of the bed, rubbing at his eyes before he rose to his feet.

\---

Anders watched him rise, noting that he was a far cry from the mess he’d been yesterday, but he knew that there had to be countless emotions that he would have to work through. From what had happened here - recently and before. He rose himself and made his way to the door, opening it to look out and see who was standing nearby.

\---

Solea was standing near the door, a guard flanking either side of her. She startled when he peeked out, having been half asleep on her feet. “Good morning, ser! The carriages are loaded and everything is ready to go. The children and the retired slaves will be carried in the litters. Havi went out ahead to negotiate passage for us at the nearest port.”

\---

  
“...what?” His expression was blank and he didn’t seem to understand a word she just said.

\---

“Everything is packed and everyone is ready to go.” She spoke more slowly this time. “If you're ready to go, you can have your breakfast in your carriage. I took the liberty of taking all the gold and food stores, since I don't imagine you'll want to return.”

\---

This time it took him a while to respond, his expression unchanging. “Solea, what are you talking about? When I said get ready to leave, I was talking about the three of us…” What was this about… children and litters?

\---

Her eyes widened, a frown pulled at her lips. “...Oh, I didn't think you would leave the others here. I will let them know to wait here until they are sold. Are you certain I'm the one you wish to take with you, Anders?”

\---

“Sold?” His hand lifted to press against his forehead and he took in a deep breath. “Everyone’s ready to go? Let’s go.” He was not staying here a minute longer and if that meant dragging an entire estate worth of slaves along with them, then so be it.

\---

“Thank you, ser.” Her face lit up and before she could stop herself, she moved in to give him the briefest of embraces. Fenris had moved behind Anders in the doorway and grumbled a warning under his breath, not remembering the girl well enough to trust her.

\---

He didn’t return the embrace, as he might have before, remaining still until she let go. “When we get to the carriage, you can explain to me just how much is coming with us.” He had no idea how many slaves there were or what all had been packed for them. He didn’t know if he could provide for so many, but he would figure out something.

\---

“Of course, ser.” Solea began to lead the way down the hall. Fenris started to veer toward Danarius’ room and she stopped him with an assurance that she'd packed everything he would need. The warrior seemed perfectly calm until they neared the entrance hall. Only then did he grow anxious, looking over his shoulder and clenching his hands. “...Can we really go? Are you sure he's dead?” The reality of leaving was finally sinking in and he had never imagined casually walking out the doors.

\---

Walking beside him, he’d glanced at him repeatedly, wanting to make sure he was okay. He paused when he saw the anxiety on him and the question made him close the distance to take his hand. “I killed him,” he told him firmly, not wanting him to doubt it. “I’m sure.”

\---

He had seen the body, he knew Danarius was dead. But he was still nervously and he squeezed his hand tightly. “He can't come after us. He's dead.” It wasn't a question this time, but he was still looking over his shoulder and watching the guards warily, as if expecting them to drag him back from the door once they reached it.

\---

“Never. He’ll never come after you.” He didn’t have to spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, but he knew it would take a long time for him to get use to it, especially after all of this. “Let’s go. The further we are from here, the better.” He gave him a soft tug, encouraging him to continue with him.

\---

Fenris kept a tight hold on Anders, but followed along, his heart pounding in his ears as the guards pushed open the doors. Solea and the guards looked a little nervous as well as they walked out of the estate without their master, but not nearly as much as the warrior. The girl lead the way to the stables where the caravan was waiting. Two carriages were set up and ready, guards were preparing the two remaining horses not needed for the carriages for being saddled. The others were resting near the litters, most of them every bit as nervous as the elves Anders walked with. Only the children appeared to be excited, laughing and playing on a part of the property they'd never been allowed to visit. There appeared to be nearly forty elves in all, most of them never having seen the outside of the estate.

\---

When he saw how many there were, he stopped short. His free hand lifted to his mouth and he covered it briefly, overcome with stress that he wasn’t equipped to handle right now. Later. He would handle it later. “Just a little further,” he murmured to the warrior, walking with him to the carriage. He opened the door for him and waited for him to step inside.

\---

It was a sizeable carriage for the master of the house and there was plenty of room for the two of them, Solea, and the breakfast platter that had been laid out for the men. Fenris took one more look over his shoulder, then climbed inside quickly. He wanted to be far, far away from this place. Solea bowed her head to Anders before she stepped inside as well and sat where the pair could share a seat across from her.

\---

He slipped in behind them and shut the door, sitting across from her. It was a clear this was a shock to all of them, but it was for him as well. He’d never even see the outside of the property, but he had barely taken it in. He saw the food and, like before, his stomach showed no interest in it. “Hungry, love?” he asked softly, knowing that he hadn’t eaten well the entire time they’d been here.

\---

“Maybe in a little bit.” He'd be very interested in the food if he didn't feel like he needed to run. “I just want to go. Right now.” He glanced out one of the carriage’s windows, his heart feeling as if it might pound out of his chest.

“We'll be going any second. The others just have to load up now that you're awake.” Solea said gently, taking a little pastry from the tray for herself and looking at it as if she'd never seen one up close before.

\---

“It’s okay,” he told him, scooting a little closer to him. He set a hand on his arm and gave it an encouraging stroke. “You’re safe with me.” He didn’t want him to be frightened, especially since he had nothing to fear anymore. It wasn’t that easy, but he would continue to reassure him.

\---

Fenris leaned into Anders and closed his eyes. There was no one after them and they were safe. He didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until the wheels of the carriage began to roll and he finally released it. “I'm out.” He whispered under his breath. “We're out. We made it out.”

\---

“I promised you I would get us out, do you remember?” He’d lived up to that promise, done things he never would have otherwise considered, but he’d done it all for him. “I promised.” He finally felt some of the relief that had been absent, but it was the only emotion he could muster.

\---

“You did. You saved me even after he took even my mind from you.” He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to open them until they were far from the estate. “You got us out. Without you I would have been a compliant slave for the rest of my days and never known any better.” He said this in a tight voice and though he couldn't see her, his words made Solea shiver.

\---

It had been worth it. Whatever happened, whatever unintended consequences resulted, it had been worth it to give his life back. It was the only steam he was running on and so he kept reminding himself of it. “You? Never. You would’ve gotten out, even without me. It’s not in you to be a slave, memories or not.” He’d escaped before without them and he refused to believe that it wouldn’t have happened again.

\---

“I remember that. You told me once that I don't have the temperament to be a slave. That it was a surprise Danarius didn't kill me.” Some of the tension in his body eased at that. “Maybe I would have gone back to my old rebellious ways eventually. But you reminded me of who I am before it came to that.”

\---

Hearing him speak of memories was comforting in some way, but he still didn’t trust that something hadn’t changed. Something irreparable. “I promised.” He should’ve found a way sooner, but didn’t know what he would’ve done differently. He turned his eyes on the girl across from him, deciding he should address the problem before them. “Solea, how many slaves are there? How much coin do we have? Are you certain we’ll even be able to find passage?” With that many people?

\---

“I...don't know how to count that high. I'm sorry. But we will have enough. The ships are used to accommodating masters with a large entourage of slaves.” There was a hint of color in her cheeks and she busied herself with grabbing another bite from the breakfast tray.

\---

The wording made him frown, but again, he didn’t say anything. He wasn’t really satisfied with her answer, but it wasn’t her fault. He would just have to… or maybe not.

 _Pride…? Do you know how much there is?_ The demon had been silent since he’d awoken, which was a relief, but surely he knew the answers to his questions.

\---

_Thirty-eight slaves. Twenty of them strong and able. If she only took the gold he had on the estate, you'll have enough for passage to Orlais and perhaps buy a manor for them to share. If you use his other accounts or sell the estate, you'll have plenty more to work with._

Fenris finally opened his eyes again, pleased to look out the window and not see the estate. “Will you eat something, Anders? You didn't touch anything last night.”

\---

His eyes fixed on nothing, as they often did when he was conversing with the being inside of him and actually considering what was being said. It took him a moment to realize he was being spoken to and then he jumped slightly, his eyes focusing. “Hmm?” The words registered and he shook his head. “Oh, no. Not now.”

\---

“Before we get to port, then.” Fenris grabbed a couple bites for himself and leaned into Anders again. Wanting to soothe him in return, and what he assumed was the spirit inside, he let the lyrium in his skin come to light, a soft glow emanating from him.

_...That is...incredible. Don't let him stop._

\---

_You’re more like Justice than I gave you credit for._

If inner voices could be sarcastic, his would have been. Unfortunately, it was followed by a deep pang of grief that could not be soothed by any amount of lyrium.

“When I am hungry.” He would eat when he could stomach it. Until then, he felt fine.

\---

While Fenris seemed eager to simply dig into the food, again not having much space in his stomach, but wanting a sample of everything. Solea was almost more interested in studying the sights and smells of everything rather than actually tasting things, though she also took a bite of everything.

_I've been a tolerable demon today, don't you think? Helpful, even. A little taste of the Fade from him doesn't hurt anyone._

\---

_I’m not stopping him, am I?_

His hands shifted to rest in his lap and he looked down at his palms. He hadn’t thought about it, but he hadn’t cast a single spell since his collar had come off. Not unless he counted the blood magic he’d used, which he didn’t want to, so he summoned just a flicker of electricity. So slight that it couldn’t be seen, just something to comfort himself.

\---

Rather than respond, Pride simply gave him a little sensation of comfort. Once he'd had his fill, Fenris found himself lapsing back into his memories in the silence of the carriage. His eyes grew unfocused and he stared off at the door, trying to make out the details of some of the hazy experiences in his mind. Solea ate more than her share of the platter, eating until she couldn't possibly stomach anymore. Finally, she looked up to Anders, her soft voice hesitant to break the silence. “...May I have a word with you, Anders?”

\---

They were a somber group, the three of them. Mostly the pair lost in their thoughts, but Anders didn’t snap as jarringly out of his as he had before. “Of course, what is it?” he replied, his hands closing into loose fists as he lifted his gaze to her. He imagined it had something to do with the others or the plan. A plan did not yet exist, but he had time.

\---

“I just wanted to say thank you. You told me you would free me and the first time you said it, I didn't even know I wanted to be free. You've given all of us a chance to be people, not slaves.” Solea’s face was burning with blush and she had to look down at her hands. “Thank you isn't enough. But it's all I know to say, ser.”

\---

He softened, reminded that what he’d done had been worth it in many ways. Not only for Fenris, but for Solea and now, every other slave that he brought along with him. “I only did what was...right.” Necessary. “I will see to it that it stays that way for all of you.” He didn’t _want_ the burden, but he would take it.

\---

“We won't be any trouble. All of us can work and if slavery is illegal wherever we go, we can live like anyone else.” Not that she knew how anyone else lived. Or that elves couldn't exactly walk into just any place for a job. “We will find some way to repay your kindness.”

\---

“No, no repayment. Let’s just worry about taking care of them, alright?” He glanced at Fenris, knowing that above all he meant him. It was unlikely that they would see Orlais again since taking the elves there simply didn’t bode well for them, so they would have to find some place different to settle and help them adjust. Looking back at Solea, he offered her a tired smile that did not reach his eyes, but was kind all the same.

\---

“You seem so unhappy, Anders. Surely there is something that we can do for you.” The girl spoke softly, reaching across the space between them to touch his hand lightly. She got a little lyrium from the glowing elf through touching Anders and it gave her a shiver. “The least you deserve is happiness.”

\---

He didn’t break the touch, but didn’t react to it either. “A lot has happened, I just need some time. Please, don’t worry about me.” He didn’t want to be a burden to anyone and he realized then that he needed to suck it up. He straightened a little and in a show of ‘feeling better’ he reached for some of the food. He could scarcely bring himself to chew it, but he made his body function as needed and forced it down.

\---

“I cannot help but worry. But I hope with time you will feel better.” It relaxed her a little to see him eat so she leaned back in her seat to let him pick at the food. “The port isn’t far. We should be there in an hour.”

\---

He nodded and continued to nibble at the food. He didn’t have much, but it was an effort that he would repeat again next meal. When he was done, he settled back into the seat and focused on the feel of the lyrium, though the peace it offered felt thin. The rest of the ride was a silent affair and when the carriage came to a stop, he took in a deep breath.

“We’ll be out in a moment, Solea,” he told her, waiting for her to step out so he could have a moment alone with him.

\---

“Of course, ser.” The girl bowed her head and stepped out of the carriage first, taking charge of organizing the other slaves as they moved into the port. The stop of the carriage had pulled Fenris from his reverie and he looked around, his eyes still a little distant and dazed.

\---

When the door shut behind her, he turned his attention to him. He could see just how deep in thought he had been and he wondered what memories he’d been sorting through, but he wouldn’t ask. He didn’t know what to say to him and something about this felt wrong, so he found himself sinking to the floor in front of him. He sat on his knees and rested his forearms in his lap, looking up at him calmly.

“I know you’re not okay, but…” His eyes flitted between the dull gaze, so numb, but so concerned. “Are you okay?”

He wanted to hear it from himself, to know what was going through his mind. He was anticipating the worst, what he’d seen in him yesterday scaring him, but he wanted to be there for him. He was struggling - he didn’t know how much distance to keep between them. What was too close for himself to handle and what was too far that he couldn’t be there for him.

\---

Seeing his lover looking up at him from his lap seemed to bring things back into focus and his eyes sharpened and settled on the amber gaze. “I am just fine, Amatus.” Though he certainly hadn't been when they left the estate, he was at the moment. He ran his fingers softly through Anders’ hair. “I was just remembering a battle with our old friends, that's all.”

\---

“Are you?” he searched him, the title making his heart give a pathetic thump. “You’re remembering more than you ever have before. That can’t be… easy.” He felt so _resigned_ , but he was trying to fight it. “Some of the things you said yesterday…” He trailed off, not wanting to admit how it had scared him, not wanting to put pressure on him to be or act any way. “I know you were confused and… if you’re still confused, it’s okay.”

\---

“It isn't easy. It's…” Terrible. It was terrible spectating a lifetime of experience, feeling every joy and hardship all at once. His eyes misted and he lowered his gaze to his lap. “I'm fine. I'm not as confused as I was yesterday. I was just overwhelmed.”

\---

“If it would help you to speak aloud...” He didn’t finish the offer, not intending to push, just wanting him to know that he was there. That he would listen. He reached up with a hand and brushed his jaw with the tips of his fingers. “Just know if all of this has changed something, I understand.” He finally made a tentative attempt to breach the topic, but framing it in a way that was supportive.

\---

The slightest smile quirked at his lips but a stray tear rolled down his cheek. “A lot of me is tangled and lost right now. But not how I feel about you. You are one of the only things that really makes sense. I'm just sorry that I was so terrible to you for so long.”

\---

His throat thickened and his eyes welled, hearing him say that releasing a lot of pressure that had been squeezing heart. He would not burden him, he reminded himself, his head shaking stubbornly. “No, no. Please, never say that. You had your reasons and you-... you were right about so much.” It wasn’t as if he’d been kind in return, he’d given as good as he got. “Do not trouble yourself over me, love.”

\---

His fingers stroked through his hair again and another tear fell. “No, I never really said I was sorry. Or if I did, I don't remember. I wasted so many years being cruel to you. I'm so sorry, Anders.”

\---

“Fenris, I would live a lifetime of those years to have the year we shared together.” He use to wonder what things would have been like if they had learned to get along from the beginning, but he’d become so happy with where they ended up that he’d stopped concerning himself with all of the ‘what ifs’. “I do _not_ accept your apology because it is unneeded. If I am wrong, then I too am sorry because I was just as cruel.”

\---

“Anders…” He reached down for his lover, trying to pull him up and into his arms. He wept softly, forgetting all about where they were and the slaves waiting on them. Right now it was only the healer and himself.

\---

He followed the pull, rising from the floor and sliding into his lap. “I’m sorry,” he continued, this time not apologizing for past pains, but recent ones. “You were hurting so much yesterday and I, I was-...” He swallowed down the words, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I should have held you in the bath and in the bed, I should have never let you go. I will never let you go.”

\---

“I love you. Just don't go. I might be broken right now, but don't go.” He didn't think Anders would give up on him. But he was so lost and his lover had felt so disconnected from him. He needed him and he was a constant in both his past and present that he couldn't lose.

\---

His breath caught and he shook his head, “You’re not broken, I never want to hear you say that again.” He never intended on leaving him, not while he was needed. Even in the event of what he feared, he never intended on abandoning him. He wanted to take away all of his pain, but there was no simple fix. “I’m not leaving you, that you even think…” He trailed off. This wasn’t about him and he wasn’t going to make it about him. “I’m not leaving you,” he repeated, leaving it at that.

\---

He held the mage in his lap tightly, pressing soft, needy kisses to his cheek. “You're so good to me. We'll stay together and be happy like we were…” It would take awhile to find all the missing pieces of his mind. But so much had come back so quickly, he was confident he'd remember everything.

\---

Hopefully. He had a feeling that the warrior had not put much thought into the recent months. The months he could remember without the help of blood magic. With everything else rushing back, why would he? When he did think on it, how much would he know? How much would he realize? He returned like kisses of his own, craving to tell him how much he’d missed him, how much he needed him, but he kept it in.

\---

He turned his head to catch one of his kisses on the lips. He kissed him deeply, the feeling of it new and yet wonderfully familiar at the same time. Everything about Anders felt right where everything else was confused and uncertain.

\---

The deep kiss stole his breath. He’d had another’s lips on his own for so long, but these were the ones he’d longed for. Even when that searing tongue slid into his mouth and he forgot all else… The thought made him shudder. All of those vile trysts had been for this kiss and his taste was all the sweeter for it.

\---

 _It wasn't such a high price to pay, sweet mage. My host and I gave you pleasure beyond what your body could stand._ The demon purred to him, amused by his thoughts. _But you have the elf you want now. Touch will help him remember. He's probably remembering hundreds of kisses with you right now._

The demon wasn't wrong. A year’s worth of kisses with Anders rolled through his mind. He was shaking but he kissed him desperately, wanting to cling to these memories that were so much better than some of the painful things he'd remembered that morning.

\---

The last thing he wanted to feel while kissing Fenris filled him - disgust. Disgust and an unwanted flicker of arousal, which only made the former emotion stronger. _Do not speak to me when I am being intimate with him._ The last thing he wanted, while in such a private moment, was a spectator commenting. Particularly this spectator.

He tried to tune him out, responding to the desperation in like. His hand slid up into his hair and he gripped the locks, pouring himself into the kiss so that he was not torn between his mind and his body, so that Fenris had all of him.

\---

The demon was amused, but he was willing to give him the silence he wanted. Fenris lost himself in the kiss and in all the kisses so fresh in his memory. He kissed him until he was breathless, trembling and clutching at him, breaking the deep kiss into several smaller ones so he could gasp for air.

\---

He eased away from the kiss, feeling how strongly it was affecting him. “It’s okay, my beautiful elf.” The fingers in his hair pulled back to hold his cheek and bring their gazes together. “My beautiful, beautiful elf.” He stared into his eyes, his own so tender.

\---

“Yours.” Fenris’ eyes were hazy at first, clearly seeing far more than just what was going on in the present. But Anders’ sweet amber eyes helped to ground him and soon his adoring gaze was focused again. “I am yours, Amatus.”

\---

“As am I.” He was his as long as he wanted him. Longer. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead, before pulling back even more. “I’m afraid the ship may leave without us, if we stay.” He had no idea when the ship was set to leave, but it would be better for them to get moving. He eased off of him and offered his hand to help him to his feet.

\---

“I'll go anywhere if we go together.” He wanted to go to Orlais, but anywhere would do. He took Anders by the hand and rose to his feet, sticking close to his side as they climbed out of the carriage. The ship was massive and the captain was waiting patiently for the master of all the slaves lined up and waiting to board.


	6. Chapter 6

The size of the ship made his brows lift - whatever concerns he’d had about there being enough room for all of them were gone. He was nervous as he made his way to where all were waiting for him, thinking that his crimes committed against Danarius were suddenly going to come back on him.

\---

The captain greeted Anders eagerly, thanking him for choosing his ship for the voyage. It was clear by his enthusiasm that he'd already been given some gold just for waiting on them. But when his eyes fell on Fenris, he recoiled. “Ah...ser, I'm afraid we have a problem. That slave is well-known in these parts and I can't let you take him anywhere without his master's leave.”

But Solea was prepared and she quickly stepped in and showed the captain a ring she had pulled from the fingers of the mangled corpse that had been in the bedroom. The captain studied the ring and his eyes went wide. “S-sorry for the confusion, ser. Where can I take you and yours?”

\---

His heart skipped a beat, but then Solea intervened and he was left blinking. It was that simple? “For now, south,” he replied, since he didn’t have a place in mind. Almost everything was south, Orlais included, so that was where they would head. He silently held his hand out for the ring that Solea had showed him, thinking it best that he keep it on him.

\---

Solea handed the ring to him and when the captain nodded,  she moved to start guiding the people and supplies onto the ship. “We can discuss further payment then once you decide where you would like to go. For now, choose a room and get comfortable, ser. Once you get settled, please let me know which of your girls my crew can use.” His eyes drifted momentarily to Solea, but back to Anders quickly.

\---

He stared at him in disbelief that turned to a scowl. ‘Your crew will not touch _any_ of them and if hear that they have, it will be the last time they have hands to touch anything.” He had drawn himself up to his full height and gentle as he was, he could look intimidating when he wanted to. More so with Justice peeking out of him, but the look he gave him was not unlike the furious gaze of the spirit.

\---

The captain looked surprised, clearly accustomed to being offered at least a couple women to warm their beds. But he nodded quickly. “As you wish, ser. Go ahead and board, take any room you like.”

\---

He stepped past him and stalked up to the ship, in a mixture of disbelief and wariness that they were really leaving this place. After everything that had happened, he was simply sailing away with not only Fenris, but everything that Danarius possessed. It seemed so barbaric to him that the law worked in such a way and he couldn’t help but wonder if there were some important details they were missing, but he wasn’t going to question it.

As he made his way to the cabins he looked in only a few rooms, not seeking anything particularly nice, when he found one with two beds and plenty of room. Good enough for him.

\---

Fenris stayed tucked closely at Anders’ side, having no interest in the rooms. He only wanted to stay close to the mage and get out of Tevinter as quickly as they could. Some of the anxiety he'd had when they left the estate was back and he watched every crewman he saw on their way with distrustful eyes. When Anders chose a room, he slipped into it and immediately began to check beneath the beds and around the furniture as if it was some sort of trap.

\---

He let him look around, wanting him to feel comfortable with where they would be staying for quite some time. “All clear?” he asked, after it seemed like he searched every nook and cranny. He moved to the far bed of the room and sat down on the edge.

\---

“Yes.” Fenris said after he'd taken a thorough look around. His eyes were distant again as he leaned against the wall, looking out over the beds. “Our room to Orlais had two beds. Once we started getting along, we always slept in my bed. We'd do a reading lesson, then stay in my bed for the night.”

\---

He watched him, not sure if he should interrupt or not. He gave him a few beats of silence, before rising back to his feet and going over to him. “Turns out all we needed to do was kiss a little bit to get along.” He slid an arm around his waist, pulling him into his side. “Who knew?”

\---

“I had to kiss you. When I realized you could understand me, I had to. And then everything changed.” The elf nestled into his side, resting his cheek on his shoulder. “I was yours. I was always meant to be yours.”

\---

He’d never heard this from him and it brought a slight smile to his lips. “It was simpler for me,” he told him, just a hint of playfulness to his tone. “I was stuck around you long enough to realize how stunning you were.” That was actually simplifying it considerably, but it was true. The better they got along, the more his attraction had flared. “You chasing after me was the best thing that happened to me.”

\---

“Only because I failed to kill you. And because you changed your mind about leaving me on that slave ship. It ended up being the best thing to happen to both of us.” He nuzzled his cheek into his shoulder. “And I have to agree. I noticed how handsome you were once my loathing-blinders were off. I know it was prejudice that kept me from seeing it because I thought you were handsome after I was made to forget you.”

\---

“I was never going to leave you on that ship, Fenris.” There was something quite serious to his voice. He may have considered it, but he knew himself. He wouldn’t have left him to what had awaited him. It was why he’d run back into the room, eyes rolling along the way, because he couldn’t bring himself to be that heartless.

A slight flush warmed his cheeks, pleased to hear him say that. “Really? So you were stalking around with a scowl, thinking about how handsome I was?” He knew better than to think that was true, but he was feeling a little lighter and so he was trying to tease.

\---

“I wasn't thinking about much of anything, really. But I definitely stole more glances at you than I needed to. Many, many more glances than I needed to.” Fenris saw the color rising in his cheeks and he pressed a kiss to one of them.

\---

His smile grew and he returned a kiss to his cheek, before brushing his nose against the spot his lips had touched. “I’m glad you thought about me, even if only a little.” It did actually warm him, having been convinced that he’d been the only thinking of him. Sure, it wasn’t really the same, but it was something.

\---

“I did.”  He drew his arms around him, forgetting his nervousness about leaving Tevinter and completely caught up in the mage. “Did you choose a room with two beds for old time’s sake? I'm not going to rest anywhere but in your arms tonight.”

\---

“We’re sharing a bed,” he agreed, pulling him in front of him and embracing him. “The other one is for Solea.” He wanted to keep her close to him, so he intended on sharing the room with her. She was the only person he trusted, apart from the man in his arms, and he’d taken it upon himself to watch over her, though she’d helped him far more than he had her. He needed her and she was the only thing that had kept him grounded in the passing months.

\---

“That is probably for the best. That captain had eyes for her.” Not that he would have cared much, but Anders had clearly been upset by the thought of the crew taking advantage of the women. He trusted her and the other slaves, only because they only knew to be loyal to whomever ‘owned’ and having her close would be convenient since she seemed eager to serve Anders.

\---

A slight scowl returned to his face. “She’s only a child.” He didn’t want to think about it and he shook his head, tightening his arms around him. “Is there anything you need? We can stay in here or go out onto the deck, get some fresh air…” He wouldn’t mind that himself, having been stuck inside for months on end.

\---

“Let's go to the deck. I never thought I'd say that I miss the ocean, but I miss the ocean.” He missed most everything that wasn't Tevinter. Not in a big hurry to move, he stayed in Anders’ embrace for another long moment before pulling away slowly and taking his hand.

\---

He wove their fingers together and stepped back out of the room, heading back to the open air of the deck. He wanted as much privacy as they could get, so he found a spot as far from any of the crew as possible, near the rail, then pulled him back into his arms. This time, however, he held him from behind, so they could both look out at the water.

\---

Though the deck was bustling with crew and slaves alike, it was a relief to find a quiet spot for the two of them. He leaned back into Anders, staring out over the water as the ship slowly left the port. It wasn't long before he lapsed back into memory, going a little limp in his grasp but still holding his own weight. He began to murmur under his breath, negotiating passage in Tevene with someone in a conversation in his distant past.

\---

He heard him speaking and he looked down at him, seeing only the stark hair in front of him. After a moment, he pressed a kiss to the crown of his head, but left it at that. He was lost in his memories and as Anders took in the view, he fell into his own thoughts. He needed to figure out where he was going to take so many slaves that knew no other life.

\---

They were left in peace for quite awhile before Solea finally sought them out. She seemed a little dazed by the view, as were many other slaves lined up across the railing. “I didn't think the air would feel so different out here. It even smells different.” She mused as she leaned against the rail beside Anders. Even when she'd thought of him taking her away from Tevinter, she'd never truly imagined what the sea would be like.

\---

Anders looked over as they were approached, his hold tensing until he saw who it was. He relaxed and his head cocked slightly, “Were you not allowed on deck last time?” He wouldn’t be surprised - there was little that could surprise him at this point.

\---

“Oh no. Only his guards were allowed on deck with him. I only got to see the water at the docks.” As with everything about her slavery, she sounded indifferent about it. It was simply the way life was. Or at least the way it used to be. “It really is pretty though.”

\---

“It is,” he replied, looking back to the water. “I could do without ever seeing it again, though.” He wanted to find a place to just...stop. To stop running, to stop searching, to stop everything and just _live_. He’d been spared the trip to Tevinter, but it would be a long ride back and all he wanted was to settle down. If nothing else, they’d accomplished what they’d set out to and separated their connection, so there was no reason for them to travel anywhere else.

\---

“Perhaps you won't have to. We'll settle somewhere and all of us can be happy.” She imagined that, like her, the other slaves could be content anywhere. When Fenris mumbled under his breath in his native tongue about exchanging mercenary work for a place to stay, the girl answered in like, telling him gently that he didn't need to work right now. Fenris startled a little, the answer conflicting with the one he was hearing in his mind, but he quickly relaxed in Anders’ arms and moved past it.

\---

“Perhaps.” It seemed he was agreeing with her, but he was really responding to her comment on happiness. He didn’t trust that happiness could last, but that just meant that it was important to take it for what it was worth and to treasure it. He stroked Fenris’ arm soothingly when he startled, waiting to see if he would say anything else. When he didn’t, he went on, “Is everyone else okay? Do they all have places to stay?”

\---

“Everyone is fine. It's just...an adjustment for them. They don't know what to do with space to themselves and no orders to follow. The children are having a great day though.” At least some of them weren't afraid of the concept of freedom. “What do you need to be comfortable? We brought provisions to cook for you if you don't care for the food on the ship.”

\---

Hearing that they all had enough space was reassuring. “If any of them need to speak with me, you can bring them to me.” He knew this wasn’t easy for any of them, so he wanted to try and be some support. Their lives were in his hands, after all, the least he could do was offer them some reassurance. He offered her another smile that didn’t reach his eyes, like he had in the carriage. “As long as they offer more than stale bread and molding cheese, I think I’ll be alright.”

\---

“I think a few would like to speak to you. I have tried to explain to them that they are no longer slaves, but they really don't understand. I think it would help to hear it from you.” Solea reached to touch his arm gently when he gave her the smile. “You do not have to feign happiness for me, ser. I'd rather see you smile when you mean it.”

\---

The expression faded, falling briefly into a frown. Rather than answer, he gave a nod and then looked away from her. “Then when everyone has settled, bring them to our room. Do you know which one it is?” He hadn’t told her that he wanted her to stay with him, but figured that it was assumed.

\---

“No, but I'm sure I will find it. I will try to keep everything in order so you can rest.” Solea withdrew her hand and bowed her head slightly to him. Her eyes moved briefly to Fenris who had gone quiet but was still clearly far away.

\---

“Thank you, Solea,” he murmured, pressing another kiss to the top of his head. “You’ve made this all so simple for me.” He really did appreciate it. He did think of her as a child, but she was mature and she could hold her own. In many ways, he regarded her as he did an adult, he just couldn’t stand the thought of anyone looking at her with anything but innocence. “Just don’t overwork yourself; anything I ask you to do, you can refuse me at any time.”

\---

“I would never refuse anything you ask of me, Anders.” Though it was nice to know she would not be punished if she did choose not to obey. “I will find your room tonight. Really, though, I think some of the elves would enjoy cooking for you if you don’t want the ship fare. They’re at a loss for what to do with themselves without work to busy their hands.”

\---

“Just remember that they are not orders, they are requests.” As long as she knew that, he didn’t mind her running around and helping him. “It will take them some time to adjust. They are allowed to do as they wish and that includes cook. They can cook for themselves and if they wish to share it with me, I will not refuse them.”

\---

“I will let them know.” She smiled slightly, pleased that he was flexible with the desires of the people who knew nothing other than to serve. “I will see you tonight, ser.” As she turned and walked toward one of the groups of slaves looking out over the railing, the demon spoke up in Anders’ mind.

_Their work ethic will help them wherever you settle them. Humans will always be skeptical of establishments run by elves, but since they are good at what they do, they will make good coin to sustain themselves with their specialties. Use Danarius’ gold to buy an old building for the slaves that like to cook and within a year they may have a prosperous eaterie._

\---

_Here I thought you’d want me to keep them enslaved._

He sighed to himself, shifting his weight from one foot to another, trying to get comfortable. He wanted to sit. He spied some crates nearby and deciding they were as good a spot as any, he walked them over to them. He sat down, pulling Fenris with him, letting the elf slide into his lap. It was far more public than they got with their affections, but he didn’t think he was in a state of mind to care.

\---

_I know you don’t want to keep them enslaved. So why not help you set them up for success at freedom?_

Moving broke Fenris from his trance, but he was guided by hands that he trusted so he walked with him without hesitation. When he was settled onto his lap, he looked to the healer, his eyes still dazed and glassy. “Are we in Orlais?” The passage of time was completely lost to him as confused as he was.

\---

He didn’t trust his intent, knowing there had to be more to it than ‘good will’,  but he would consider the suggestion since it seemed pretty reasonable. “No, love. I don’t know that we’re going back to Orlais at all,” he admitted, hand lifting to brush some of his hair from his eyes.

_I thought you said it would only take a day for him to remember everything?_

\---

_A day or so. It has scarcely been a day. Have patience, sweet mage._

“Why not? We were happy in Orlais. I want our house back.” He wanted their life back. He leaned lightly into the hand, his eyes focusing a little more as he tugged himself out of the past and back to Anders.

\---

“We were, but we can’t take all of them there. As fond as I’ve grown of it, elves know only servitute there and I would not have them leave slavery to find themselves in such a similiar position. They won’t understand the reality of their freedom if they’re just made servants.” Really, he couldn’t think of a place that he could take them where they wouldn’t struggle to survive, not unless he remained with them permanently.

\---

“Anywhere else they will not be welcomed. Maybe we can help keep them out of servitude there.” Fenris didn’t sound argumentative, though he did want to go back to Orlais. He just didn’t know where they could take an army of slaves either. He looked around and took in all the slaves and deckhands bustling around other areas of the ship, but he seemed to pay them little mind.

\---

“Perhaps,” he agreed, his hand continuing to run up and down his arm. “I will think about it. If you have any thoughts, tell me. We will figure out what we’re going to do together.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, not caring that there might be eyes on them. He didn’t think they mattered enough for anyone to be paying attention to them.

\---

“I will.” The corners of his lips turned up slightly at the kiss and he nestled in closer. “Right now, I’m just happy to be with you and out of Tevinter.” His eyes met Anders’ and he studied him a long moment. “Do you want to go back to our room? I’d like to get comfortable. I think one more night of sleep will bring everything back to me.” It was nowhere near night, but he was anxious to try to rest.

\---

“Sure, we can lay together.” He wasn’t tired, but there wasn’t anything else that he wanted to do. He urged him up and as soon as they were on their feet, he slid his arm around his waist so they could stay close as they walked together. When they reached the room, he took him to the bed and told him to lay down. “Is there anything you need before I lay with you?”

\---

“I need our clothes off.” He’d walked along easily but when he was told to lay down, he turned to Anders instead. His fingers remembered just where to go to start unfastening his robes. “I want to feel your skin on mine. The way we used to lay. I want to remember more about that.” He’d caught glimpses of several such occasions and he wanted to remember just how it felt for himself.

\---

He helped him to work his robes off and when they had slid to the floor, he turned his fingers to the robes Fenris wore, working them off quickly. It left them both naked, with the exception of their feet. He guided him to sit and he kneeled in front of him to take off the slippers on his feet. Then he rose to sit beside him and work at the laces on his own boots. They fell with a thump and he crawled further onto the bed, laying down and making space in front of him for Fenris to lay.

\---

Fenris was pleased to be rid of the unfamiliar clothing and crawled up onto the bed to settle with Anders. He pressed into him, knowing just how to mold his body with him to get the most contact and the most comfortable hold. “Much better.” He murmured, reveling in the warmth of his skin and letting his own begin to glow softly. The demon gave Anders a pulse of delight but was otherwise quiet this time in his enjoyment.

\---

His eyes drifted shut, the flow of lyrium settling deeply into him. Unlike in the carriage, where his thoughts and heart had been too heavy for it to fully have the intended effect, it soothed him. He wanted to look at him, though, so with some effort, he forced his eyes back open and his gaze shifted down between them, taking in the sight of them pressed together. He’d not seen him like this since before they were taken and his throat thickened a little with relief to have him so close.

\---

Though he was awake, Fenris’ body was relaxed and his lips were slightly parted in the way they only were when he was deeply asleep. His guard was down, feeling safe and secure in his waking hours, as rare as that was. His eyes were closed and he ran his fingers absently over Anders’ spine, remembering the contours of his back as he’d touched them night after night before his mind was altered.

\---

The fingers on his spine made him shiver, especially when they passed over the ridges that ran across his skin. His own fingers began to run over his side, able to feel the difference in intensity in each tattoo he passed and without looking, he found himself tracing them. His eyes had fixed on his face and he stared at him intently, taking in every line of it as if he didn’t know it by heart. As if he’d forgotten it in their time apart - he hadn’t.

\---

For the first time in a long time, he flinched a little when the fingers began to trace his tattoos. He’d come to associate them being touched with pain again. But he knew Anders knew just how to touch them and he relaxed again as instantly as he’d tensed. Though he knew to keep quiet, there was a flicker of humor from the demon. Though the elf had instinctively expected pain, he hadn’t pulled away. His old host had trained him well. He gave Anders the mental image of his memory of sucking on Fenris’ neck when he was glowing their first intimate night together, encouraging him to do it again so he could have a taste of it himself.

\---

His fingers paused when he tensed and there was considerable delay before he resumed the motion. Intent as he was on him, he didn’t realized the source of the memory and inappropriate as it felt, he tried to shake the thought. The thought of being intimate with him made his stomach tighten - too much had happened to both of them for him to want to consider that. He couldn’t consider it any time soon.

\---

 _What is it, sweet mage? Has months of fucking a human turned you off to your little elf?_ As if he was intending to help him with this, the demon presented more images to him. Ones of Fenris writhing and crying out in pleasure beneath the healer.

Oblivious to all of this, Fenris began to breathe a little deeper. His fingers gave a another little stroke along Anders’ back before they fell still. He was so comfortable and while his body was fine, his mind was exhausted and it felt good to close his eyes and recharge a little more.

\---

He tensed and he pulled his hand back suddenly, his stomach tightening so much that it felt like it was collapsing in on itself. His face grew hot with the rush of anger that filled him, not without a hint of despair. _Fuck you! Stop it!_ His eyes squeezed shut, trying to push the images out of his head, increasingly distressed the longer he was reminded their intimacy.

\---

_Alright, alright. Just trying to help you want your precious elf again. We do have needs, after all._

The sudden movement jerked Fenris from his relaxation and his eyes shot open. He saw his lover, tensed and upset, and he sat up abruptly. His eyes scanned the room wildly, his hands clenching into fits as his lyrium intensified. The elf saw no danger but that did nothing to ease him, certain that something was after him and, more importantly, his lover.

\---

Before he could respond, the abrupt change in position made his eyes snap open. He pushed himself up and when he saw Fenris panicking and reached out to set his hands on him. “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” His voice was soft and he tried to placate him, even while his own heart beat heavily in his throat.

\---

He flinched from the touch, as if expecting the hands to belong to men meaning to seize him as they had the night in Orlais. “What did you hear? Who’s out there?” He whispered, looking over the room one more time before his eyes fixed on the door.

\---

“Nothing, Fenris, there’s no one.” He regretted the reaction he’d had, knowing he’d worked him up. It made him angrier at Pride, but he couldn’t express it right now. He didn’t want to risk giving off any further signs of what was going on in his head. “Just lay back down, it’ll be okay.”

\---

“Are you sure? What’s wrong then?” He sounded very uncertain, but he reluctantly laid back down. The lyrium died out in his skin, but his eyes were fixed on the door and his breathing was quick and anxious. He didn’t know whether templars or slavers could be about to burst through the door, but memories were racing through his mind to support both possibilities.

\---

“Nothing’s wrong,” he assured him, lying beside him and kissing his cheek, though even that made his insides churn just a little. ”You’re safe with me, remember?” He wouldn’t let anyone hurt him - Danarius may have shown him that he was more helpless than he cared to acknowledge, but the fact remained that man was dead by his hand and they were free.

\---

He tucked himself against Anders, finally taking his eyes off the door. “We’re safe. No one is after us and we’re safe.” He agreed, though he didn’t sound entirely convinced. Someone had always been after them, he remembered that clearly enough.

\---

“Exactly, we’re safe.” He wrapped his arm around him and held him securely, wanting him to feel it. “Nothing is going to happen to you or me.” Such promises were impossible to keep, but they were what Fenris needed to hear and what Anders needed to be true.

\---

“We’ve had more than our share. Nothing will happen to us.” Fenris agreed again, his breathing starting to slow. He was pressed so tightly to Anders and closed his eyes, wanting the feeling of the other man’s body to consume his every thought. That helped to calm him, especially grateful for their bodies being bare so he could soak in the warmth of his soft skin. His body was relaxing and he was starting to forget his insistence that someone was after them.

\---

He hummed, leaving it at that as he waited for him to relax. His own body didn’t want to, but kept himself soft for their embrace, pouring himself into comforting him. It helped to push the anger aside, though it was far from gone. There were a lot of thoughts running through his mind, but most of them circled around the man in his arms.

\---

“I think I want another of those potions tonight.” He murmured after he’d been still and quiet for a short while. His body had relaxed under Anders’ hold, but he still stayed tucked tightly against him. He pressed a kiss to the healer’s shoulder. “I don’t want to panic like that if you have to move in the night. I just want to sleep.”

\---

“We’ll get you another, but not too many. They becoming addicting, if you rely on them too much.” For the next few nights though, he could use them to help him rest peacefully. He might have a sip himself.

\---

“It shouldn’t be a problem. You know I don’t like to sleep. I just need to so I can sort my thoughts. One more night and I think I’ll feel like myself again.” Fenris wasn’t sure when he’d let his guard down to sleep again once he remembered everything, but right now it felt like the best thing to do.

\---

“You did with me…” He countered, a slight pout coming through in his tone. He imagined that it wouldn’t be true again for a long time and he felt the anger return, though this time it was aimed at Danarius. A year of progress dashed aside.

\---

“I did. I loved to sleep next to you. But I also loved to watch over you while you slept. You’re breathtaking as a sleeping man.” He was relieved to hear a little humor in his own voice after being so worked up. Anders was always handsome, but watching his face when he slept had always made Fenris appreciate his beauty even more. “I think I’ll be ready to sleep beside you again eventually.”

\---

A sheepish flush turned his cheeks and he gave him a slight push. “Oh, don’t.” As if he were teasing him. Though really, he was rather pleased to hear him say it, though it didn’t help with everything stewing just beneath the surface. “We don’t have to rush to get back to where we were. It will take time and no good will come of pushing you beyond what you can handle, but I would like you sleeping beside me every night some day.”

\---

“It's the truth. It's hard to keep watch while you sleep when I can't take my eyes off of you.” Fenris gave him a little nuzzle with his cheek, pleased he could still make Anders blush. “I don't know if I could give that up in the name of sleeping every night.”

\---

The hint of a smile warmed his face, so different to what he’d offered Solea that day. “You’re ridiculous,” he retorted with a shake of his head, though he was preening. With anyone else, nothing would have been able to lift his somber mood, but hearing Fenris talk like this, like everything was actually okay, worked wonders. It finally eased some of the anger, the tension inside him loosening just enough that he didn’t actively feel sick.

\---

“But I'm honest.” He pressed a tender kiss to Anders’ jaw. Talking like this was working well to squelch his own tension. “Why would I want to close my eyes and miss seeing you for an entire night, Amatus?”

\---

His smile grew and he turned his head to capture his lips in a sweet kiss. He was trying to be whatever the elf needed, but this is what he needed. He wouldn’t admit it, telling himself that all he needed was to have him in his arms, but he did need more. He just wouldn’t ask for it. “Amatus,” he murmured into the kiss, sampling the word for himself. ‘Love’ suited him better, but it flowed off his tongue just as naturally, having been called such by Fenris for long enough.

\---

“My love.” Rarely did he speak the endearment in Anders’ tongue, but he remembered that they would trade the words like this once in awhile. He could feel Anders smile into the kiss and he felt himself starting to do so in return. He pressed soft, gentle kisses to his lips, unable to get enough of him.

\---

“My life.” His hand slid up to cup his cheek as they continued to share these little kisses. Having this, he couldn’t imagine what it would have been like if his fears had been realized. He didn’t know how he could have survived it, but he didn’t have to worry or wonder. All was right and it would only get better, he was determined to make it so.

\---

He let one of the kisses linger, melting into it and letting it become something deeper. Kissing Anders flooded him with warmth, not only from all the pleasant memories it prompted, but because it made him feel so loved and safe even in the present moment. As glad as he was to know know his past, or most of it anyway, he was ready to start living in the present as long as he had Anders.

\---

When the kiss was deepened, he followed him into it, but he held himself back. The memories that Pride had shown him were still in the back of his mind and it made him careful, not wanting to go too far. The hand on his cheek pressed just a little, to discourage him from going any further with it, though it seemed to be a loving touch and nothing more.

\---

He was lost in the kiss with him, his tongue brushing softly over his lover's lower lip. His hand ran slowly up his side, his body pressing tighter to him, unable to get close enough. He breathed a soft sigh into their kiss, unsure of how he could have possibly forgotten how this felt, blood magic or not.

\---

He took in a deep breath, his brows furrowing as he tried to focus on their mouths and ignore all else. His tongue dared to slip out in greeting, but he pushed for gentler kisses after. Kisses that saw puckered lips meeting over and over again, rather than anything savoring.

\---

He backed down when the kiss softened, pressing soft little pecks to his lips instead. It wasn't long though before he began to deepen this kiss again. He wanted to taste him and his tongue pressed lightly to his lips, asking to be let in.

\---

He’d begun to settle into their kisses, but when he felt his tongue again, he shuddered. Not wanting to deny him and telling himself it was only a kiss, he parted his lips to allow him the access he sought. The hand on his cheek fell to grip his shoulder and he did so firmly, though not enough to cause him discomfort.

\---

He sighed again when he was let in, letting his tongue explore the new and yet familiar mouth. His hand slid up into his hair, his fingers twisting into the soft strands to hold him in place. He began to pour lyrium into him again, wanting to give him every comfort he could.

\---

It was a kiss unlike any other for the simple fact that he’d gone so long without it. He made a sound when the lyrium blanketed him once more, a sound that was lost in the mouth of the man claiming his. His tongue rewarded his curiosity, but he let him retain control of the kiss, only responding and never taking over.

\---

Without breaking the kiss, he began to tip back, his insistent hands urging Anders over him. As he'd done on their night together during imprisonment, he wanted his lover's weight on him. “Anders…” He murmured against his lips when he was breathless and had to settle for soft little kisses again.

\---

His breath hitched and he tipped back the other way, to remain on his side. It broke the closeness they had, but he kept his arm on his shoulder. “It’s too soon for that, love,” he told him softly, wishing he didn’t have to say anything, but knowing he had to stop it before things got too far.

\---

The reaction surprised him and he watched Anders with a frown on his lips. “...Why? We finally have each other again. I remember what it was like to make love with you, but it's not the same as experiencing it. I want you…”

\---

He was taken aback that he would want him so quickly after being freed and heartening as it was, this was the one thing that he couldn’t give him. Not yet. “I want you as well, but it’s too soon. You’ve been through so much and you were freed only yesterday. As I said, there’s no rush to get back to where we were. We can take our time.”

\---

“I feel like I've been through a lifetime in only a day. But you are at the center of everything good I saw in my life. It's not too soon.” Hit with all of his joy and suffering at once, he wanted to cling to the things that had made him happy in the life he'd forgotten. He turned up on his side again, leaving a little space between them.

\---

“Fenris, I…” He trailed off, no idea how to say this. He refused to think about it since the night he’d found out and as he the reality sank back into him, the numbness returned. “I know what happened to you.” He knew that he hadn’t been the only one in Danarius’ bed and he’d done everything he could to block that knowledge out each time he crawled into it. “It’s too soon and I fear you will realize that if we do this.” He meant what he was saying, concerned for him, but he was largely hiding his own trauma behind Fenris’.

\---

He stared at Anders a long moment, the color draining in his face. His eyes began to sting with tears and he turned his face into the pillow. “No. I was always somewhere else in my mind. It was like it was happening to someone else. It's nothing like it was with you.”

\---

It hurt him to hear him speak of it and he didn’t know if what he had to say was a comfort or not - it felt wrong to take comfort in _anything_ about what happened to him. That it was not as traumatic as it could have been was hardly something to rejoice, but it did mean he’d been spared in some manner. For whatever that was worth.

“I know it wasn’t.” He slid in closer and slid an arm around him to stroke his back, watching him as he hid. “I’m sorry if speaking of it-…” The last thing he wanted was bring up all of the memories he was trying to escape and his words failed him. He took a few, slow breaths, his palm stilling on his back. “If you would let me, I would take my time and show you how loved you are before we move on to such things.”

\---

He'd been hoping for more descript memories of making love with Anders and instead, he was seeing horribly vivid imagery of what had been done during his captivity. What was worse was that Anders _knew_. It would have been easier to pretend it really did happen to someone else if his lover didn't know. “Okay.” He breathed his agreement into the pillow, trembling as he began to weep. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

\---

He couldn’t handle the apology and tears filled his own eyes but refused to let go of them in front of him. This time he was welcoming the numbness so he would not break down in front of him. “No, don’t you dare apologize.” It wasn’t his fault and he would not see him shoulder any blame for what happened to him. It was difficult to swallow down the guilt it gave him, knowing that their experiences had been complete opposites and whatever the reason, the justification, he’d willingly given himself to the man that had been abusing his beloved. If either of them needed to apologize, it was him.

\---

“Anders…” He wouldn't apologize again, but he still felt guilty. Guilty that he hadn't been able to stop it. He began to sob hard into the pillow, wishing he could have done something to change it. Not wanting to remember how many times unwanted hands had been on him and how many times he'd been beaten for being noncompliant. He began to flinch beneath Anders’ hand on his back in rhythm, as if reliving another set of lashings as he was in his mind.

\---

The reaction broke him and his own tears began to silently fall. “Fenris, please, I’m sorry.” He pushed himself up and then tried to pull him up alongside him, not knowing what to do to and trying to change what little he could. “I shouldn’t have said-... I’m sorry.” He’d tried to do the right thing for both of them and all he’d managed to do was bring up bad memories. He tried not to blame himself for how long they’d been stuck there, but it had been his fault entirely. He’d done all he could think to, but he should have found something else, some other way that wouldn’t have give them months of trauma and made it impossible to give him what he wanted.

\---

He let Anders pull him up, though he buried his face in his hands once he released his pillow. The elf shuddered where he sat, remembering how much more horrific it had been after his capture. It had happened so many times before, but it was different after he'd fallen in love with Anders. He sobbed until he was starting to choke, feeling violated in a deeper sense than he could have while his memory had been wiped.

\---

There was nothing he could say, so he pulled him in and held him there, his own tears falling stoically. His expression was wrought with distress, but he was otherwise outwardly calm. He held him protectively, rocking him, trying to make him feel safe and secure. He’d been right to stop what they’d been doing. He’d caused this, but he couldn’t even imagine what his reaction would have been if all of this had come up in the middle of them being intimate.

\---

It took some time for him to quiet, his arms eventually drifting to embrace Anders when he felt he could take his hands from his face. His sobs mellowed to soft hitches of his breath and he chose to hide his face in his lover’s shoulder instead. “I’m sorry.” He whispered against his skin.

\---

By the time he’d calmed down, Anders had pulled himself back in check and all signs of his heartache had faded. “It’s not your fault.” He really didn’t want to hear him apologizing for this, but he wasn’t going to fight him. It would accomplish nothing, so he would try to assure him that he’d done nothing wrong. There was so much he could say, but he knew better than to think telling him that he wished he’d made Danarius suffer in his final breaths would change anything for him.

\---

“I love you…” He loved him dearly and it was a different kind of violation but one just as terrible that this man had been stolen from his thoughts for so long. He curled up in Anders’ hold, a far cry from the way he’d been stretched out and pressed against his body when they were lying down together.

\---

“I love you.” Nothing else mattered, not like him. If Fenris told him that they had to leave everybody behind and go back to Orlais for him to be happy, he would do it. It would weigh on him, but he would not think twice. He’d gotten him back and that was all he could ask for. To ask for any more would be greedy. Some part of him _wanted_ to be greedy, to wave a hand and have everything go back to how it had been, but that would be trivializing everything that Fenris had gone through.

Like he told Fenris, there was no rush - they would work through this together. He would be there for every breakdown, be the strength he lacked, until there were no more left in him.

 


End file.
